A Lull Before
by werks
Summary: All through S9, I kept thinking that the rushed engagement announcement and excitement of the wedding planning might have overshadowed the trauma of the Sorrento shooting and Eddie's response to taking another life under those circumstances. So, since we didn't get to see any of that or many other things (sniff) we'll start to explore it here before our lovebirds are back onscreen.
1. Chapter 1

A Lull Before…

_Happy BB Friday everyone! One week to go before the S10 Premiere! I hoped to have had this story posted by then, but summer was busy so we'll get started now and continue with a new chapter every Friday!_

_All through S9, I kept thinking that the rushed engagement announcement and excitement of the wedding planning might have overshadowed the trauma of the Sorrento shooting and Eddie's response to taking another life under those circumstances. So, since we didn't get to see any of that or many other things (sniff), before our lovebirds are back onscreen as a (presumably) married couple for the new season, I decided it might be a good time to explore that and the unresolved angst it might spark here, along with a mirroring scenario for Gormley since we've never seen much of a backstory on him other than meeting his sort of oddball wife once or twice. I've always liked him, more so when he was Danny's boss, but his storylines (and the actor himself) have seemed a little off and repetitive lately, IMO. I felt sorry for him in the finale although I wish that dream team three stooges' bit had been included anywhere but in the (non) wedding episode. Hopefully the BB writers will turn that around this year, but for now, this is what came to mind._

_This is a short one by my standards maybe ~8 chapters as it is not finished yet. *Fair warning for a possible character loss involved since I have not decided on an ending yet but that S9:22 episode triggered some thoughts. I guess we'll all see when I get there, and maybe BB will provide some hints on that direction during the summer filming while I am writing this. Spoilers for S8:22 and beyond. _

_As always, I own nothing, CBS has all the rights to Blue Bloods; I just take their characters out on a mental spin for fun!_

* * *

Chapter 1

_"All right, six months travel, minimum," Officer Jameson Reagan capitulated as he walked along toward their assigned RMP with his partner Edit Janko, finally having agreed to play along with the five-million-dollar fantasy spending spree challenge she had been pressuring him with on the last several shifts. _

_"France and Italy on a vintage Triumph Bonneville," he settled on after listening to her longwinded and well-researched, but sometimes overly detailed descriptions of the items on her wishlist. Thus far, that had included a special-order green Turbo S Cabriolet to replace her much-loved but aging little silver Porsche. A purported graduation gift from her now federally-incarcerated father who had been convicted of running a Ponzi scheme, it struck almost everyone else as an over-the-top, much too pretentious vehicle for a lowly patrol cop to drive, especially one with her family's hinky financial history, but somehow it seemed to fit her personality perfectly in Jamie's opinion and he couldn't imagine her in anything else. To Eddie's credit, out of the approximate 3.2 million she had allocated so far in this pretend accounting after luxury apartment shopping, an additional one million had been reserved for savings, and another for charity—"charities" she had corrected him as apparently cancer research, food banks and rescuing animal testing beagles—lots of them—were included in her big-hearted grand plan._

_"Don't you mean 'in'?" she returned with a frown, demanding a further explanation and obviously puzzled by his choice of words._

_"In what?" he questioned as they continued down the sidewalk, sounding equally confused._

_"In a Triumph, not on it."_

_"It's a motorcycle, not a car," he explained, quite honestly taken aback that they were on such separate wavelengths, even when it came to a silly, made-up game._

_"Count me out. I don't like bikes," Eddie proclaimed with a dismissive hand wave and shake of her head before opening the car door and slipping into her usual shotgun seat on the passenger side._

_"Well, this is my fantasy," Jamie indignantly huffed while doing the same. "It's not supposed to be accommodating."_

_"But couldn't it be a cool old car?" she continued to argue while buckling in._

_"It could in your version, but this is my five million," he insisted, following suit before turning the keys and starting the engine._

_"Wow, so selfish all of a sudden," Eddie chuffed, playfully knowing that comment would get under his skin._

_"Give me a break," Jamie sighed, knowing full well this frustrating little tiff was bound to continue for the rest of the morning._

_"I think I liked you better before you had money," she cheekily added as they started down the block, unaware that this undefined "thing" between them soon would be exposed for what it was as an unnoticed black BMW likewise left its mooring at the curb and trailed along behind them. The two continued their meaningless bantering, now shadowed by Dante Sorrento, a hired hitman bent on carrying out vengeance against a perceived failure of the once newly appointed Police Commissioner. _

_Frank Reagan had been in a much more somber and reflective mood at that moment, just as he was now, exactly one year and a day later, still fretting over the known unknown with Lieutenant Gormley in his office on the fourteenth floor of 1PP._

_###_

"I'm sorry about this, Boss. You're sure he won't mind showing up the 2-9 for this meeting a day early, right? I mean technically they're still on their honeymoon and everything. I hate even to ask, and then you comin' in with Abigail at this hour to help me out; it's too much," an unnaturally rattled Lieutenant Sidney Gormley fretted as he threatened to pace a hole in the carpet in front of the Commissioner's desk during the ordinarily quiet pre-business hours on that last Monday in May. It was just two weeks since a highly anticipated wedding had been held and things were finally settling down to a new normal in the Reagan family with the arrival of the happy but exhausted newlyweds back at home in the city late the night before from an extended dream trip to Bali, a nuptial gift courtesy of a pair of proud patriarchs.

"It's not a problem, Sid," Frank continued to assure as he once again tried and failed to calm the agitated man down. "They took an extra day to help get over some of the jet lag. I already gave Jamie a call; he was awake anyway, probably still on Indonesian time, and Abby volunteered to help the minute she heard about what was happening. Garrett will be here soon too. That's what this team does when one of us is down and needs help."

"Yeah, but if we're all being honest, it's not the first time someone had to bail me out. I know I've just been barely keeping my head above water around here lately, and it's been like that since day one," Sid repeated an admission he'd recently made to Baker and Moore as a few poorly-handled events had him questioning his worth at the top echelon of the department once more.

"This thing with the city couldn't have happened at a worse time," he continued. "And it's too important for the rank and file to screw up. I gotta make sure everyone's one the same page before the inspector gets there, or it's all gonna blow up in our faces. Do you think it's a coincidence they're starting at the 2-9 where your son is a sergeant? This Teddy Winters situation is gonna kill us, and it isn't anything but that slimeball, Dale Martin, going after you, _this _office and _our _cops on _my _watch to get his name in print before the next election cycle!" he continued to berate himself with guilt while taking a personal affront to a thinly-veiled, politically-charged new policy by an ambitious New York City Deputy Comptroller bent on endangering the retirement status of many older officers while shining a bad light in the press on the current Police Commissioner and the entire NYPD. "Wait until the union puts its spin on it… it'll be coming from both ends! The pitchforks and torches will be waiting for us at the front door!"

"It's bad, but we've weathered worse," Frank acknowledged their current predicament with a heavy sigh even as he admitted this latest threat appeared to be coming to a head at a most unfortunate time just as his de facto Chief of Department was being called away. A precinct-by-precinct personnel audit which had just been announced weeks earlier was now set to commence tomorrow on an accelerated schedule.

"I can't afford to drop the ball on this!" Sid continued to insist as, despite the addition of a new personal crisis, he felt an overwhelming responsibility to the men and women on the job beneath him who would be the actual victims if any of this got out of hand as feared.

"Sheila will just have to fly down to Atlanta alone."

"You do that, and you'll have to wear Kevlar to bed for the next six months, and that's _if _she lets you back in the house by then," Frank knowingly advised his jumpy assistant while Detective Baker could be seen through the open doorway working her magic on his orders and pulling in all known strings and favors to book two tickets for the couple on the next available non-stop flight down south.

"It's not every day you become a grandparent for the first time," he added with a heartening smile as that iconic mustache twitched. All this added hoopla had started in the wee morning hours when a phone call put them on notice regarding an urgent situation in the Gormley household. Sid's son, Brendan, an honors pre-med student and rising sophomore at Emory University in Georgia had contacted his parent's in a panicked state and revealed that an utterly unexpected bundle of joy was arriving prematurely, so they needed to fly in and help him attend to the family matter at hand right away.

"Yeah, well that's easy for you to say, sir. None of your kids ever pulled something as cockamamie as this over on you, did they?" Sid huffed as he continued to try to walk off his anxiety and the deep dent to the family honor, which now seemed tarnished in comparison to the Reagan standards. "We paid out the freaking wazoo to ship his butt down there to a top Christian school so he could study Biology and become a doctor, and what's the first thing the numbnut does freshman semester? Goes to a frat party underaged, gets blitzed on some booze, knocks up a girl he doesn't even know, and doesn't find out about it until her holier-than-thou, mega-rich parents kick her out of the house and hire a private eye to track him down for child support with an amnio-somethin' DNA test when she decides not to give it up for adoption like they told her to. She's so upset, it puts her into labor early at 30 weeks, and he gets served while she's on the high-risk delivery floor of the local hospital because they cut her off and she doesn't have any money or insurance," he summarized in a long-winded run. "We're just lucky she's being honest that it was consensual and not claiming anything else or it coulda been a lot worse, right? Some damn brainiac I raised! If there was ONE thing I tried to do all his life, it was to teach him to be responsible for his own actions. I thought drilling all that hashtag MeToo stuff into his head before he left would stop him from making a mess of things, but it didn't, and now it's on Sheila and me to clean it up, anyway!"

"Well, I've got a Harvard Law graduate that gave up a six-figure starting salary to become a cop _after _he got his degree and passed the Bar," Frank added kindly in a reasoned effort to talk his compatriot down and make him see the brighter side of things. "A quarter of a million in tuition later," he reminded. "And look how that worked out. Maybe you got off easy."

"Not for nothin' Boss, but this ain't anything like that! Jamie didn't literally screw up his whole future over a bottle of tequila and some Jello shots; he just had second thoughts and joined the family business is all, and he did it with eyes wide open knowin' what it would cost him," an irate Sid argued and refused to be dissuaded from the matter at hand as that sense of personal accountability was one of his core beliefs and had served him well through his time in the service and later in the NYPD. "In other words, he _was _responsible! I mean did he ever do anything _this _stupid, and then call you in the middle of the night to come to fix it? Marrying his partner and staying in the same precinct aside, all due respect," he added since it was a known point that Jamie and Eddie's work/love relationship could be seen as testing dangerous waters and admittedly still troubled a father who had been left with little recourse by a once-assumed rule missing from the patrol guide.

"No," the Commissioner was forced to concede even though he was against such a notion. Jamie had always held himself responsible for his own actions, never asking for so much as a hook from this office or a penny to bail out his own fortunes. Even that hefty Harvard tuition nut that was leftover post scholarship money had been recently paid off by his son with good stewardship and living well within one's means after nearly ten years on a patrol officer's salary. "But what's done is done. That baby is coming one way or another either today or sometime soon, like it or not, and it's got your blood in it. Being born this early to parents that young means it's going to take a village to raise, right? You need to be there and help them find a path forward. It's important, Sid."

"Help? Yeah, help… more like pay his way out, at least that's how his mother will look at it. Brendan's got seven more years of school, minimum, with student loans that'll be bigger than the one on my house, and _that _just got refinanced. I already took a payout from my pension account so that we could help with some of it," Sid continued as he took stock of their strained financial situation. "And Sheila's so bent on having a doctor in the family she won't hear anything about him dropping out and getting a regular job instead to support this kid. Once she gets a look at that baby, you know we're going to end up raising it on our own and probably have this girl to take care of too on top of it. I was supposed to retire in a few years! I'm too old for that!" he conceded while his blood pressure spiked, looking more haggard and drained in recent weeks than ever, even before this news had hit home so hard.

"A baby will keep you on your toes," Frank chuckled and continued to try to be encouraging.

"Right now, my toes hurt, Boss," Sid tiredly echoed a previous conversation between them—one held just 366 days ago to the very date when Dante Sorrento was on the loose and stalking behind another beloved son and partner. That moment had likewise been one of significant change within the Reagan family, but some of the events and emotions of the day had been overshadowed and tamped down by a surprising announcement and had yet to be dealt with by all parties involved. Unfortunately, as they often did, things like that tended to fester with time, hidden out of sight until any small opening forced them out into the open. That's what was happening at that very moment in a tidy little apartment not far away in Brooklyn Heights where a new chapter could not be written until an old one was finally completed and put to bed.

"Got them!" Abigail broke in and announced her success as she made her way into the office with several printouts in hand. "Two tickets, first-class, on a United flight out of JFK departing at 9:20 from gate 12. Wheels down in Atlanta at 11:55. I'll have a car waiting to take you directly to Northside Hospital. You're pre-cleared through TSA, so make sure you leave your sidearm secured here in your office. If you leave now, that should give you just enough time to meet with Captain Espinoza and Jamie at the 2-9 for fifteen minutes before you catch up to Sheila at the airport."

"First Class for same-day tickets? I can't afford that on my salary!" Sid balked and continued to look for any reason to back out with a deer-in-the-headlights stare of disbelief now that it looked like this was actually going to happen.

"Don't worry; I used my miles and upgraded you," Abigail assured and motioned her friend in for a hug. "Have a scotch on me to settle your nerves… or maybe a few of them," she conceded under her breath with a knowing look at the Commissioner as it was apparent multiple rounds of hard liquor would be needed for that. "It's the least I can do. Come here," she urged her friend with her arms wide open while he continued to hesitate. "Like I said before, you are the beating heart of this place, Sid. Now, come on, get in here, Grandpa."

"Well, have it your way, but thank you." Sid finally sheepishly relented as Frank looked on with a relieved smile.

"You okay?" he asked, hoping this would finally be the first step to put his assistant at ease.

"Oh, I just want this to be over," Sid admitted, more than a little embarrassed to be the recipient of such attention and openly rattled by that new paternal title.

"Yeah, well, I hear you," Frank commiserated as he stood up to shake his hand. "This time next year, you'll probably be sitting at a first birthday party having a beer and watching your new grandbaby blow out the candles while you laugh about it. Things change," he advised knowingly. "Look at everything that happened to us the past year. I certainly never thought I'd walk another bride down the aisle, at least not that way, and I had my doubts at first, but can't imagine it being any different now. I have another daughter; Eddie is part of the family already. Remember, life has a way of knocking us back on our ass just to keep things interesting. This is only a little bump in the road; you'll be over it soon."

"But it's never really over, is it? What's that thing you said before? That the best we can hope for is a lull before the next bad thing? Well, that's where I'm at," Sid admitted prophetically with a sad, unconvinced shake of his head before quickly turning and taking his leave, clutching those precious tickets in his shaking hands and still at a loss as to how he was going to handle it all.

###

_"And last but not least, funding some kind of Reagan family foundation benefiting the families of fallen officers," Jamie put the final, emphatic checkmark on his list as they rounded the corner and proceeded down the street in light traffic while waiting for his partner's response._

_"I can't fault that one," Eddie conceded with a wrinkled-up nose and sigh, having nitpicked her way through the rest of his ideas during the past fifteen minutes._

_"That's a first," he scoffed._

_"I'm still saving beagles with mine, though," she defended._

_"To each his own," he pontificated._

_"HER own," she clarified just to set their equality level straight._

_"Right," he surrendered, knowing it was likely a lost cause at this point to try for the final word while secretly hoping that some other minor distraction like an armed robbery call might surface before this went any further. His wish was not for naught as the opportunity for both presented itself as they neared a favorite spot under the bridge named "Right Hand Roasters" and she squealed with delight._

_"Ooh, they make good coffee! Pull over? What do you want? I'm buying."_

_"A three-pound lobster and a Dom Perignon," he quipped._

_"You're such a jerk!" she returned, and he knew the battle between them had been won—for now at least. It was the revelry of these little cherished conversations and the fear of compromising a deep friendship that had kept their relationship in such a stagnate state over the years. Admittedly that had been growing more difficult for both as of late, especially with the complication and maddening timing of that damn Barry guy, but, despite that, neither would have ever imagined that such a thing would turnover so entirely in a span of mere minutes as the realization of what they might be giving up was driven home in the play of gunfire._

_"All right, I'll have a tea. Thanks."_

_Jamie watched from the car as Eddie made her way into the shop with a polite "Excuse me," before both of their radios squawked with an ominous alert from dispatch._

_"All patrol units be advised, the earlier Finest Message regarding an '05 Nissan Sentra with ND New Jersey registration is now amended to add a black '05 BMW 7 Series. Registration not confirmed, but possibly also bearing ND Jersey registration. Operator may be suspect Dante Sorrento, DOB 3-9-1964. Male, white, five-foot-nine, 54 years of age. Please advise if contact is made with subject. Approach with extreme caution, as suspect is believed to be armed and responsible for five homicides."_

_"Huh," Eddie thought to herself as she stood in line and tried to commit that information to memory before the hairs on the back of her neck tickled. This Sorrento situation was very serious given who her partner was and the possibility a Reagan was on his hit list. Despite the levity, that notion had not been far from her mind all week. Perhaps one could say it had been the cause for her nervous yammering about that imaginary five million dollars all along as a distraction. Outside, an unsuspecting Jamie had rolled his window down to enjoy some fresh air while waiting. A scan of the immediate area showed nothing out of the ordinary, but her apprehension suddenly spiked and her eyes grew wide as a voice whispered in her ear. He was in imminent danger. Another glance through the window behind her spotted a dark car pulling away from the curb, and suddenly she knew this was a moment of life and death._

_"MOVE! JAMIE!" she fought her way back through the crowd, clawing and pushing in a desperate attempt to warn him before it was too late. "POLICE! MOVE! OUT OF THE WAY!" _

_"Excuse me, Officer," an evil voice inside her head chirped before the sound of glass breaking and people screaming threatened to take away all that she truly loved in this life forever._

_"JAMIE!" Eddie shrieked again as she finally made her way to the door to see a gun being leveled at his empty spot in the driver's side their police cruiser once more. It was too late—she was too late. He was gone._

"JAMIEEE! JAMIE!" she cried out again and sat bolt upright in bed, gasping for breath, drenched in a cold sweat and shaking in the darkness of the now-familiar room after reliving that terror once more.

"Ed?" a muffled voice and more than mild curse were heard in response from the bathroom as soon as he realized what was happening. Even that coupled with the sound of the water being slammed off in the shower did little to quell her suffocating fear at first as her heart continued racing. It was not until his strong, supporting arms wrapped themselves around her once more, and she was sobbing his name over and over, face pressed into his warm, wet, dripping neck that she allowed herself to believe it all had been a dream, a horrible reoccurring nightmare forcing her to relive that moment again and again.

* * *

Poor_ Eddie and Sid. Their day will soon cross paths and not in the best way for either of them, but for now, we'll see how Jamie handles his first real crisis in a new husband role._


	2. Chapter 2

_Happy BB Friday everyone! Hoping for a good S10 premiere tonight, and thanks for all the reviews on the first chapter! I'm almost finished writing this one, may wait a week or two to see how things play out with J/E's work relationship on the show before I decide how to end it._

* * *

Chapter 2

"Jamie!" Eddie continued to cry while he held her tightly against his chest before shimmying down on the pillows and pulling the covers around them both, knowing from previous experiences—two within the past week to be exact—that it would take some time before she was able to speak again.

"Shhh, it's alright… _I'm_ alright," he comforted while waiting, having made a mistake the first time this happened by demanding answers too soon and adding to her angst by getting upset himself—that innate desire to protect her from everything and anything now having only made matters worse. "It was that damn dream again, wasn't it?" he stated the obvious and continued to soothe before trying a new tact and finding some humor in an effort to bring her out of it faster.

"Seriously, Ed, if the neighbors are gonna complain about you yelling my name from our bedroom or call the cops on us like that couple did at the beach, I want it to be for a whole lot better reason than this."

"Shut up! S'not funny!" she finally squeaked and snuggled in closer while blushing over that embarrassing moment when security had shown up to their quaint ocean-side cottage on a wellness check to find her in near hysterics and both of them in a state of complete undress. His strategy had worked, to a point—at least she was talking now.

"No, it's not funny," he agreed sadly, treading carefully on volatile waters since previous efforts to address this had been shot down in denial and anger—not exactly how he wanted to start their married life and certainly not what he was expecting to deal with during a much-anticipated trip to a heavenly paradise once the stress of the wedding was over.

"I just don't know why this is happening _now,"_ she broke with a renewed sob and follow-up hiccup while tightening her vice-like grip around his arm.

"I think maybe you do," he disagreed gently with his chin resting on top of her head before adding deliberately from experience. "Anniversaries can be tough. It's been a year since the Sorrento shooting, but I know you don't want me to use that word."

"I don't have PTSD!" Eddie flared and stiffened as he knew she would, vehemently refusing to be stuffed in that pigeonhole even if the fit was perfect. "And this isn't the first time I've had to deal with this, remember? I did all that departmental psyche stuff when it first happened and got cleared right away! Dr. Malone said I was fine! Sorrento was a bad guy, wanted for five homicides, and he tried to kill a cop! YOU! My partner! It was a good shoot… a hell of a good shot! You said so yourself!"

"No one is saying it wasn't, Ed," Jamie continued to hug and nudge her forward with a familiar conversation held years before when she had faced similar circumstances. "He was a really bad guy; you're a good guy, and it was an amazing shot. You did what had to be done and saved my life, probably others too… but this past year has been so busy with us getting engaged, my promotion, changing precincts, and planning the wedding. It happened so fast on top of that… I think maybe you didn't have a chance to deal with everything right then is all. Something else is still bothering you, and it hurts me to see you like this, but figuring out what that might be is way above my paygrade."

"I don't need to see a shrink again," she deflated, having already rebuffed that suggestion more than once before.

"Eddie, there's nothing wrong with getting a little more help on this," he countered. "It doesn't have to be through the department if you don't want to go that route even though that's strictly confidential."

"We're just married, and this is supposed to be the happiest time of our lives… how will it look if I have to do that? Especially now that I'm a Reagan, even if it's just a hyphenated one," she trailed off still wiping the self-renewing tears away. Surely it would be seen as a sign of weakness and come out somehow at that infamous Sunday dinner table, especially with a Commission who often used that title to proclaim he knew everything.

"Your Dad will find out."

"No, he won't, Ed… it's between us, you and me, and no one else's business."

"Aren't you the one who always complains about _everything_ being everyone's business in your family?"

"This is different," he insisted even though he had to acknowledge that sentiment was often true and had come back to bite him in the ass more than once. "I promise. Even if Dad knew… he wouldn't think any less of you, none of them would."

"Is this coming from my husband or my boss?"

"You know better," he defended and then softened further, knowing he had pushed a little too hard, too fast and risked making her defensive. "Just promise me you'll think about it, okay?"

"Okay," she sniffed, still dead set against the notion but willing at least to leave it there for now. "How come you were up already?" she deflected, having just noticed his wet and clean-shaven state after two weeks of growing used to the sight of Jameson Reagan with a more relaxed and delightfully sexier, scruffier, tanned and more native appearance.

"Dad called," he admitted regretfully, since that, like everything else, signified the good thing of their honeymoon was officially ending. With it would come the added stress of returning to the 2-9 in one form or another—either out in the open as Jamie preferred and assumed already was the case given the gossip grapevine, or as a semi-closeted married couple depending on the lead Eddie decided to take. Her current sidekick, Rachel Whitten, had been purposefully told and invited to the wedding, of course, so the rabbit was out of the hat since keeping that kind of trusted information from a partner would have been disingenuous. Captain Espinoza had likewise been informed just prior to the big day, and after some puffing and pacing had decided to allow this dodging of the traditional norm with the caveat of "we'll see how it goes" along with a demand of final veto power and warning of an immediate transfer for one or both of them to Timbuktu if the arrangement caused him more grief than it was worth. Truthfully, though, with the 2-9 running as well as it was as of late, and the career polishing feathers lining his own personal cap, he was loathed to make any changes that might upset the cart. All parties had agreed that any complaints, disciplinary actions or commendation recommendations for Eddie would solely be under Espinoza's purview, so if that meant allowing a little leeway for Sergeant and now-Officer Janko-Reagan, then so be it, especially since 1PP was obviously in the know about all of this in the first place.

"He asked if we could bump up that meeting the Captain and I had scheduled for tomorrow," Jamie continued to explain, knowing she would be disappointed with even a few hours of their remaining honeymoon being curtailed for work. "Gormley has some kind of family emergency with his son down in Atlanta and needs to go out of town right away."

"So, you have to do it?" she replied with a frown as he anticipated.

"Just a really quick one," he tried to mitigate. "1PP wants us all on the same page with this Teddy thing before the inspector shows up. I gotta go, Ed. Besides, Gormley and his wife have a flight out of JFK to make, so it'll be like twenty minutes, tops. I won't even have time to change into my uniform. Stay here in bed and relax. I'll be back before you even miss me, and I can pick up some breakfast on the way home… anything you want."

"But I don't want you to leave yet, I… I don't want _this_ to be over," Eddie stuttered out in a whisper with another cuddle closer to him. As the date of their return to work had grown closer, her anxiety over that had only become heightened, and now these nightmares were serving to make matters worse. "I want you to stay."

"I know; me too," Jamie reciprocated. "You could come with," he tried another approach since his expressed preference was to rip the Band-Aid straight off with an announcement to everyone tomorrow morning at roll call, an advisement to see Captain Espinoza if the married arrangement bothered anyone and to let the rest of the chips fall as they may. "Meet me at the diner on Ninth… Nico's, you know the one you always wanted to try because they're supposed to have such amazing pancakes, but you said it was too close to the 2-9 so someone might see us together. That really doesn't matter anymore, lambchop."

"Not sure I'm ready for that yet," Eddie admitted and continued to balk at the idea of opening up to the rest of the platoon altogether, especially in a place that was less than a block away from the house and frequented by her fellow officers at all hours. "I mean I know they're all gonna know, or they already do, right? But what if someone complains and we get split up right away?"

"Then it happens, Ed. Weren't you the one who said not to worry about us riding together before, that it didn't matter because you only wanted me? Well, I'm right here, we're married, and I'm not going anywhere," he asserted.

"I know, it's just… I'd rather not…" she trailed off, still feeling too rattled emotionally after that dream to take on something that big so soon afterward. "Maybe in a few days."

"Okay, whatever you want," he conceded, once again without pressuring too hard. "We can do lunch in Midtown and drop in on Pop when I get back, but I've got to get going, or I'll miss Gormley, and that won't exactly win me any points with Captain Espinoza, will it?"

"No, but I think it's stupid that Martin comptroller guy is targeting the 2-9 anyway," Eddie griped as she still refused to let him go and instead turned the focus to the reason for this intrusion, having been brought up to speed on this impending inspection over the past few weeks.

"Isn't the whole point of this to show that the NYPD is wasting resources and union wages by letting some able-bodied cops work inhouse jobs that civilians could hold instead of patrolling the streets, not just the older ones like Teddy so that they can get their full retirement benefits?"

"That's the general gist," Jamie confirmed. "I mean it's something that's been going on throughout the history of the department, and yes, some cops, especially ones with hooks use it to scam their way through the system and sit on their asses from the time they're rookies to a hefty retirement payoff without doing any of the dirty work, but there are always exceptions. Dad's making a push to break the hiring freeze and put more officers on the street, and Martin's trying to make him look bad by going to the press and saying 1PP is mismanaging the cops we already have. It's all just political posturing with the new Mayor coming in after the election. Gormley's been pressing to clean up the bad eggs across the city for months because he knows the backlash this is gonna start."

"But of all the precincts, you and Captain Espinoza have cleared out all that deadwood," Eddie argued in his defense. "I mean, c'mon, Officer Long was outed for doing just that, and then he got a command discipline and fired for ignoring a direct order after riding a desk for years. And when Rachel's first partner, Leary, was too out of shape to run up the stairs and back her up, he was sent to Fleet Services, so why focus on the 2-9 and Winters… one guy with 24.9 years in and a chest full of commendations who walked a beat every single day until just six months ago?"

"Because a Reagan is a sergeant there, and when you're ready, there's gonna be two with that nameplate, so you have to get used to having a target on your back," Jamie reminded her of that complication. "The suggestion of impropriety or hypocrisy… that's what makes headlines. Plus, we _are_ doing exactly what he's accusing us of, right? Technically we're wasting departmental money that could be used to hire another officer by letting Ted max out his run to the last possible minute with all the overtime he can manage, so he gets the highest potential retirement payout. He's been filing paperwork at a desk in holding for months instead of riding in an RMP, not to mention the tens of thousands of dollars it's gonna drain in future medical costs. Do you know the percentage of patrol officers who stick it out after their twenty is up like this? Less than ten, more like none," he answered his own question.

"Only because he has a heart condition!" Eddie defended since Officer Winters was especially endearing in a grandfatherly type of way and was a house favorite despite the leaky valve that had already aged him well beyond his fifty years and had slowed his step noticeably as of late while making any type of physical exertion dangerous.

"Yeah, and one that he knew about and hid from the department for years while it got worse," Jamie reminded her of a not-so-small detail. "Otherwise he would have been found unfit for duty, even at a desk, and forced to retire early long before this."

"And lose his health care plan on top of most of his savings!" Eddie remonstrated with a huff of indignation. "His wife has some kind of kidney disease and she's on dialysis while she waits for a transplant. Her name is Peggy and she's so nice! I met her a few months ago that day I worked at the desk, and she brought everyone lunch. She needs all that covered! They'd have to pay thousands more out of pocket each month for her meds otherwise because she's not old enough for Medicare yet, and they can't afford it with all of the other bills if his pension is cut. Teddy won't even have the surgery he needs for himself until he makes sure she's okay first! It's not fair! He loves her!"

"Like I love you," Jamie reminded with another hug and kiss on the top of her head even as he prepared to leave. "I'd do the same thing… anything for you, Ed, but I gotta go now, okay?"

"Yeah, alright," she finally agreed to let go with another sniff. "I just wish your Dad could promote Teddy or transfer him somewhere to hide out for a few months."

"That would look even worse," Jamie admitted. "We're just going to have to turn it around and do damage control here to make sure Ted comes off as so sympathetic that Martin will look like a real dick for going after an older hero cop. Did you know he once saved Gormley's life at a scene by jumping in front of him and taking a bullet to the vest? The Lieutenant owes him… we'll make it right," he assured.

"Okay," Eddie sighed and then listened sadly to her beloved getting ready before he hurriedly left the apartment dressed casually in a light-colored, short-sleeved button-down shirt and soft, dark khaki pants after another kiss goodbye. It took a few more minutes of unrest and inner reflection thinking about that earlier dream before she decided to get up and join him at that diner for breakfast, anyway.

_K let's do this. Meet me at Nico's. Love u._

She smiled as she sent the text before grabbing her purse and starting after him some thirty minutes later. "I guess maybe he's right, there's no time like the present and if anyone has a problem, they can take it up with Captain Espinoza. Welcome back to the 2-9, there's another Officer Reagan in the house," she added with a determined nod and bob of that trademarked, but still-damp ponytail before closing the door behind her.

* * *

_So, the stage is set for more than a little drama now as that meeting and Eddie's pancake breakfast will obviously not go as planned. What should have been an ordinary and relaxing day goes entirely upside down and involves nearly the entire Reagan family as that next bad thing Gormley was afraid of strikes them all._


	3. Chapter 3

_Happy BB Friday Jamko fans! Looks like our Jamie might be in danger with Eddie needing to come to the rescue in tonight's 10:2 episode. Same here?_

* * *

Chapter 3

"Reagan," Captain Robert Espinoza's rather flat tone greeted Jamie at the doorway after a knock to catch his superior's attention. "You're looking relaxed… and late," his boss added with a half-raised brow and eye roll, noting the uncharacteristically casual attire and dark, tropical tan accompanying it.

"Um, yes, sir," Jamie returned and shifted his weight somewhat nervously since that extended conversation with Eddie had put him behind schedule with a traffic backlog en route only serving to delay him further. While he greatly admired the man, Espinoza was a tough nut at times and took his standing with the higher-ups in the department very seriously. Even without the added tension of this new in-house marital arrangement, a meeting of this magnitude with Lieutenant Gormley from 1PP would have been a cause for walking on eggshells with his boss, anyway.

"Sorry for that, sir. There was an accident on 10th, and we just flew in late last night, so…" he trailed off weakly in defense, wondering why he should feel obligated to be so contrite anyway considering the circumstances—like it or not, this was the last day of his honeymoon after all. Not many other officers would have agreed to give that up at a moment's notice.

"No need to apologize," the Captain cut him off as his eyes dropped dismissively back to the paperwork on his desk. "Might as well go get some coffee," he grumbled in continued annoyance since one of his pet peeves was punctuality. "Seems the Lieutenant isn't here yet either."

"Oh, all right," Jamie gave silent thanks for not missing anything important while continuing to try to ease his way back into Espinoza's good graces with a little small talk, even initially ignoring the vibration of the muted phone in his pocket to do so. If there was one thing his boss hated more than tardiness, it was to be interrupted. No doubt that was Eddie signaling she had either already arrived at their destination or was caught in the same traffic backup that had waylaid her husband a few minutes earlier. "Looks like a light morning," he noted, as a glance around the area near the Captain's office in the rear of the precinct building confirmed that there was only one person currently in the holding cell and just a few uniformed personnel still in the house, including the maligned Officer Winters, who seemed to be occupied at his desk.

"The van from Central just left," Espinoza matter-of-factly confirmed as if to reassert the 2-9 had been running smoothly under his solo watch even in its most attentive sergeant's absence. "That guy seems to be a snowflake though," he raised his eyes to glance over to where the lone remaining prisoner, a slightly built, evidently nervous twenty-something-year-old man was pacing and demanding his lawyer with every other breath. "The DA's office called and put a hold on him," he sighed once again at that break of protocol—another sore point. "Said it was under the order of someone with the last name of Reagan too. Seems to be one of those days; now, isn't it? I guess I'll have to listen to that guy all morning and won't get any of this other work done either. Plus I'll have to leave a guard on duty back here for one perp."

"Huh. That's not like Erin. What are the charges?" Jamie asked on reflex, already slipping back into his administrative role while intuitively wondering what his sister's involvement was.

"Attempted Rape of a Child, believe it or not," Espinoza made no effort to hide his contempt as he forcefully completed a signature on another report with an exaggerated swoosh. "Manager of the Payne building on West Culver found the bastard alone in one of the apartments with an unconscious ten-year-old girl when he went in after the unit below reported a water leak from their ceiling. Drugged her with something but hadn't gotten to the final act yet so not sure how they will charge him. Vic's still unconscious in intensive care over at St. Vincent's. Special Victims is picking up the case," he explained.

"Jesus," Jamie sighed as suddenly any minor inconvenience the morning might have brought with Eddie's nightmare or the request from his father paled in comparison to what that family must be experiencing right now.

"Stranger abduction?" he continued to press for details as was his nature.

"Neighbor," Espinoza corrected. "And not the first time from the looks of it. Parents thought he was trustworthy, so they gave him a key to water their plants and such when they were away last year then forgot about it after they split up. A single mother trying to make ends meet… sometimes she'd leave the kid alone at night to work an extra shift. Who knows how long he's been abusing this girl? Not sure why that merits special attention from the DA; I'd dump him in gen pop at Rikers with a bow around something lower than his neck," he gruffed without going any further as his attention was distracted. "Isn't that Gormley out there talking to Teddy?" he eyeballed through the office's blinds.

"Oh, yeah," Jamie answered as he had a better angle to see from the doorway and spotted the Lieutenant standing near the holding room desk with the aforementioned officer. "That's right," he confirmed.

"Well, get him in _here_ so we can wrap this up before I have another situation to deal with," Espinoza ordered. He was fully expecting someone from the DA's office to show up at any moment, demanding his attention, and utterly unaware in less than a minute that scenario would play out in the worst imaginable way with the potential loss of one or more of NYPD's finest.

"Yes, sir," Jamie answered in a likewise unassuming state, already fully caught up in the swing of departmental life even though he was technically off-duty and dressed as such, yet wholly unprepared for what would happen next. His phone vibrated for the second time during this conversation, and he finally looked down to read Eddie's message while moving away from the Captain's office door.

_Here. Ready when u r._

"Yeah, that might take a bit, lambchop," he gritted under his breath and then turned his attention back to matters at hand without pausing to answer. Gormley was standing to the side of Officer Winter's desk near the hall, obviously involved in an in-depth discussion regarding the impending inspection. He was hesitant to interrupt a superior that way, but for his Captain's insistence and a deep desire to get this over with and reclaim those lost hours with his new wife before all this became the norm again. From the look of the three-thousand-dollar suit that just turned the corner and was purposefully striding towards them from the front desk with no visitor's pass and a flustered officer in pursuit, maybe it was too late, anyway. After all these years, Jamie could spot a problem from a mile away. This one wasn't even a challenge as he recognized Marcus Miller, a long-winded rising star in Erin's office, and an obnoxious pain in the ass to every cop who'd ever had him assigned to one of their collars.

"Aw, shit, not him," he cursed and likewise quickened his step in an attempt to get Gormley's attention first before Miller could butt to the front of the line with Espinoza since the timing of all this couldn't be worse. "Lieutenant," Jamie called as the distracted man failed to hear him. "Lieutenant Gormley!" he raised his voice and tried again before his father's assistant finally looked over.

What happened next somehow morphed into slow motion and would become indelibly engrained in Jamie's memory even though it was over in the blink of an eye.

ADA Marcus Miller, usually a very controlled and ambitious man who had always proclaimed himself as an advocate against violence to all who would listen, rounded the corner next to Winters' desk just as Gormley was turning around. Curtis Miller, the accused abuser, whom everyone would later come to find out was Marcus's younger brother, immediately stood up and cockily smart-mouthed the few officers left within hearing distance, filled with a false bravado now that his once over-protective legal eagle older sibling had arrived after blowing past the front desk.

"See? What did I tell ya? Mr. Bigshot's in the house! Here comes my ticket outta here," the arrogant man proclaimed, successfully having skated out of numerous lesser offenses over recent years in this manner and fully expecting the same to happen here. "Y'all got nothing on me! That no-good woman pays me to check on the kid so she can stay out all night, and that's all I was doin' there! Good thing too, right? I mean I got no idea what she took before I came in and that's the God's-honest truth! Prob'ly somethin' her druggie mom left layin' out! She's a damn addict! That's why her old man left! Tell them, bro!"

"CURTIS! WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON?" the older Miller barked instead with vitriol and such a wild look in his eyes that it took everyone by surprise, especially his brother who was entirely unprepared for such a reception. "YOU BASTARD! TELL ME THE TRUTH! DID YOU DO THIS TO MAYA TOO?" he demanded as Officer Winters immediately stood at his desk and came around the other side, unarmed of course as the resident house mouse, but prepared to stop the furious man from getting any closer to the cell holding the now flabbergasted prisoner by any means necessary.

"Sir! I'm going to need you to calm down!" Winters tried unsuccessfully to intervene while all the fight drained out of the younger Miller. Gormley looked on, distracted, caught off guard, and for once in his long, decorated career, he failed to react.

"Naw, b-bro… You got it wrong. I mean s-she's my niece, man; I'd never…" a shocked Curtis stuttered out such a piss-poor defense at the accusation that no one in the room believed it for a millisecond, not even a once supportive older brother.

"SON OF A BITCH! YOU DID IT! I'LL KILL YOU!" an out-of-control Marcus Miller bellowed in anger. The pieces had finally fallen in place in his mind —the unexplained bruising and intermittent bedwetting—and the thought of his young five-year-old daughter being assaulted in that manner had him seeing red and reacting as such. He instinctively grabbed for the one thing available to punish such an egregious act as an uncle violating his own—Gormley's loaded and forgotten firearm—a snub-nosed .337 Magnum revolver and a holdover from his detective days that he habitually wore in its usual shoulder holster. Despite Baker's previous warning to leave it secured at 1PP before the flight, it was still there strapped to his side and well within Miller's reach.

"GO TO HELL, CURTIS!" Miller raged as he grabbed the weapon and shoved Gormley to the side before leveling it at his own brother. He successfully managed to pull the trigger just once in the direction of the cell before the heavy recoil of the short-barreled gun caught him by surprise. The sound of the shot echoed in the small room and ignited panic throughout the rest of the 2-9's house as officers and employees in other areas scrambled to take cover from an active shooter. In contrast, Captain Espinoza jumped from his office chair to run toward the action while Jamie and Officer Winters physically converged on the Miller from either side and attempted to wrestle the gun away.

"DROP IT!" Winters ordered as he struggled for control of the weapon over the taller, heavier-framed man. Marcus Miller might come off at first glance as a coiffed, desk-bound keyboard-pusher, but that expensive Italian suit covered a sturdy frame of muscle honed by years of daily stress-release sessions at the gym. In short, the older officer was already at a severe physical disadvantage even before he tripped, throwing everyone off balance just as Jamie joined the fray. The three brushed the side of the desk before tumbling over one another to the ground. Somehow, despite his training, the young sergeant found himself on the bottom of the mix with the cold, hard Smith and Wesson steel jammed up against the center of his chest. Fighting with all his strength, he tried in vain to push it away from underneath the combined weight of the other two men on top of him.

"Reagan! Winters! Get separation!" he heard Espinoza call out as the Captain had retrieved his own weapon from its locked drawer and had it trained at the ready with no aversion to using it once his men were out of the direct line of fire.

"DAMN IT! I SAID DROP IT!" Officer Winters tried again to no avail with both hands wrapped around the other man's wrist in a desperate attempt to gain leverage before a second shot rang out, and all three combatants went limp simultaneously. Jamie felt a searing pain rip across his ribcage and force all of the air out of his lungs before bright red blood began spilling through that nice a light-colored, short-sleeved button-down shirt he was wearing.

Time seemed to freeze while Espinoza and a still-stunned Gormley looked on in horror before Marcus Miller rolled off the side of the pile unscathed and began to weep at the realization of what he had just done.

###

Minutes before she sent that second text to her husband, Eddie had arrived at the agreed-upon dinner located just down the block from the 2-9 after using the Waze app to skirt the minor traffic tie-up that had delayed Jamie, determined to be fully vested in this new post-wedding strategy of marital transparency. Despite that resolve, she still fought the urge to request an interior table and hide in the back after being led to a seat in a street-side booth at the front window.

"Thank you; I'll just have some of your house coffee for now. I'm waiting for someone," she took the offered seat, anyway, then smiled at the waitress before sitting down with a nervous look around and pulling out her phone.

_Here. Ready when u r. _

Eddie took a deep breath after hitting send and deliberately turned her attention to the menu, noting the tantalizing array of specialty gourmet breakfast treats listed among the specials. "Why didn't I ever try this place before?" she hummed with the first happy little bob of the day as she studied the options before deciding on an order of malted pancakes with hazelnut maple praline and homemade whipped cream. Such was her distraction over the thought of this impending goodness that she at first failed to notice the odd sight of a pair of hard-core cyclists decked out in full neon green spandex suits as they finished their training route slowly pedaling to a stop near the open windows of the café-style diner. The two were negotiating a morning java break, and as Eddie listened a familiar conversation brought back another flashback and an instantaneous feeling of dread.

_"Ooh, they make the best organic coffee here! Pull over? What do you want? I'm buying."_

_"After a ride like that? A center-cut prime rib and a bottle of Bloomin' Blonde Ale," her fitness partner and fellow vegan quipped, knowing that would set her off._

_"You're such a jerk!" she returned while dismounting and unsnapping the chinstrap of her helmet._

_"All right, I'll have a green tea. Thanks."_

"Oh, God, not again," Eddie's breath caught as another wave of anxiety hit. A scan of the immediate area showed nothing out of the ordinary aside from the oddly dressed pair, but her apprehension suddenly spiked further, and her eyes grew wide as a voice whispered in her ear. He was in imminent danger. "It can't be… he's not even on duty," she tried to rationalize a way out of it while looking around the street, half-expecting to see Sorrento's black BMW 7-Series pulling away from the curb and once again headed toward her greatest love at the 2-9. Instead, she found nothing of the sort other than the ordinary mix of people and traffic milling about as expected on a quiet, typical New York City late spring day.

"Janko, you've got to get a hold of yourself! This is nothing more than déjà vu because of that stupid dream!" she tried to convince herself before standing up while the hairs on the back of her neck tickled once more.

"Miss? Is everything okay? I have your coffee," the sweet waitress tried to mitigate as it looked like one of her customers was about to leave without ordering.

"No, uh… I'm sorry," Eddie apologized as she quickly pulled some bills from her wallet to pay for the drink and leave a tip. "I just… I need to go check on my husband… something… something's wrong," she determined before pushing her way past the confused woman and exiting the shop against the grain of the morning coffee line. The 2-9's front entrance was only a short distance up the street, and her pace quickened to a near run until she reached the steps where a number of her fellow platoonmates were exiting on their way out to resume routine patrols. Once again, nothing seemed amiss.

"Hey, Janko!" Officer Scott Davis greeted her from the top landing with a smirk on his face. "Or should I say, Reagan? Congratulations!" he continued as she looked up at him. "How was Bali?"

"Wait, w-what?" she stammered, in a hurry to find Jamie and stressed to start with so not at all prepared to defend against his insinuations if, in fact, this was just a test.

"Oh c'mon, quit trying to cover, everyone knows," Davis quickly put that notion to bed as he chuckled and looked over at his partner.

"Y-you do?"

"Yeah, well, at least since Long spilled the beans about Sarge having an old lady and that confirmed it," Officer "Willy" Williams agreed. "Jesus, Janko… you followed him over from the 12th with half a dozen others who knew you two had a thing for each other for years, and you were always in his office. It's not like it was a national security secret or anything, right? 'Cause if it was supposed to be, then you really suck at that kinda stuff. Maybe we're not all detective material here at the 2-9, but we're still cops," he asserted in his own defense, having weathered years of being looked down upon among his peers for working in a precinct considered so bottom of the barrel.

"I know that, guys. It was just… you know, out of bounds even if it's not technically against the rules. So, why didn't you say anything about it before?" Eddie sighed, still anxious and on edge over that premonition, but more than a little relieved that at least this part of it didn't seem to be as bad as she feared.

"Yeah, I mean it was weird at first, but then it didn't seem to matter. Honestly, it was kinda fun watching you both try to hide it," Davis shrugged with a grin as they both stepped aside to let a hurried, well-dressed and familiar ADA pass by as Marcus Miller rushed past them and into the building just a mere minute before that first fateful shot would ring out. "I mean, you do a good job out on the street no matter who you ride with, and after a while, we got used to him. Sarge is tough, but he's fair and not afraid to get in the car with anyone. Worked a double for me when my mom was sick. Plus, he keeps Espinoza off our backs over the small stuff. Besides, not many guys would bang off a day of their honeymoon to come in help out like this… we all know about the inspector comin' too," he explained as his partner nodded in agreement. "That counts for a lot. Teddy's one of us, and he's more than paid his dues here in this house. It's not right what the city's tryin' to do to him and his wife."

"No, it's not, and that's why we're here," Eddie agreed as she continued to fight that feeling of impending doom which seemed to be mounting even though nothing seemed out of place here at the house either. "It's just… I thought they would be done by now. We were supposed to have breakfast. You saw him in there with Espinoza, right?" she tried to assure herself that everything was fine even as Miller was barging past the front desk and making his way to the holding area at that very moment. "They were meeting with Lieutenant Gormley?"

"Yeah, I saw Sarge in the back talking to the Captain, and Gormley just walked in," Williams shrugged as he adjusted his cap and prepared to step out on patrol before they were dinged for being tardy to their post. "Must'a been running late like everyone else today. That'll put the boss in a mood. Better go grab some coffee," he advised knowingly before adding. "And Janko, congratulations… I'm happy for you both, and that's for real."

"Aw, thanks, Willy," Eddie smiled finally and bit her lip—these were once two of the most hardened eggs in the precinct to crack, and if they were on board with things maybe they were going to be okay after all. That was the last thought to run through her brain before the sound of the first shot rang out—fainter here outside the building, but distinctive enough to have them all ducking for cover, nonetheless.

"What the hell? Is that what I think it was?" Davis gasped as he dove over and ended up on the same side of the doorway as Eddie. He shoved her up against the protective concrete walls after instinctively stepping in front of his unprotected off-duty co-worker while they assessed the situation.

"SHOTS FIRED! SHOTS FIRED!" the frantic calls from fellow officers in the lobby confirmed and could be heard before the front double doors opened and people started spilling out of the building in a panic.

"Shep! Hey! What's going on?" Davis flagged down one of those fellow fleeing uniforms who was leading a civilian out and pulled him off to the side with them.

"Don't know!" the other man huffed while trying to catch his breath as he likewise tucked his charge behind them for safety. "Sounded like a .38 somewhere in the back by the Captain's office. Desk sergeant ordered us all to clear the lobby and stay out, but I'm going back in," he determined and brought his own weapon out before bravely standing up to fight his way back against the grain even though a steady stream of prisoners, civilians and precinct staff from janitors to detectives continued to pour out of the front door in the opposite direction.

"WAIT! I'M GOING WITH YOU!" Eddie cried as she pushed her way past Davis to follow Shepherd inside, that momentary blip of good feelings now entirely drowned out by a returning rush of fear. Jamie was in danger somewhere back there, and nothing was going to keep her from his side.

"JANKO, NO! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A VEST ON!" Davis tried to grab her but missed as she slipped by and disappeared, those last words reminding her of an important fact.

_"Just a really quick one…" she could hear Jamie's voice promising before he left this morning as if he was standing beside her. "It'll be like twenty minutes, tops. I'll be back before you know it. I won't even have time to change into my uniform…"_

Whatever happened in there, just like the first incident with Sorrento, he would have been totally unprepared and unprotected again. That realization spurred Eddie on faster, as did the gut-wrenching sound of the second shot.

"MOVE! JAMIE!" she fought her way back through the crowd, making a beeline for the back corridor that led to the holding area, clawing and pushing in a desperate attempt to get to him before it was too late. "POLICE! MOVE! OUT OF THE WAY!"

"10-13! 10-13! FIRST FLOOR 2-9 PRECINCT! PUT A RUSH ON THREE BUSSES!" she could hear one her fellow uniforms closer to the scene calling for help on his radio. "TWO OFFICERS AND ONE CIVILIAN DOWN! ONE UNDER! SHOOTER IN CUSTODY!"

"JAMIE!" Eddie shrieked again as she finally made her way to the doorway only to stop short at the sight before her. A sobbing Marcus Miller was down on the floor with multiple officers on his back while his hands were being cuffed roughly behind him. The younger Miller brother howled about being shot from the holding cell in near hysterics as he clutched a small cut on his arm from flying shrapnel since his intended bullet had deflected off a steel cell bar first. Next to the desk, a shocked and pale-looking Lieutenant Gormley had finally broken out of his stupor and was kneeling beside an equally ashen but prone Teddy Winters attempting to keep the older man still while putting pressure on a gushing shoulder wound. Finally, her eyes lit on Captain Espinoza who was likewise down in the middle of the floor space ripping open a now-bloodied, familiar, light-colored, short-sleeved button-down shirt and yelling "REAGAN, JUST BREATHE!" as Jamie lay face-up, eyes wide open staring blankly at the ceiling with hands clenched into tight fists above his chest while unable to obey that command.

It was too late—she was too late. He was gone_._

* * *

_So, is it déjà vu or the lull before the next bad thing? You decide next as Eddie is forced to face both her past and present fears all at the same time._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"JAMIEEE! JAMIE!" Eddie cried out again but otherwise stood rooted to the ground. Every bit of her strength and color drained away, just as it did that day under the bridge after Sorrento was confirmed dead. At that moment she had stared at Jamie's face bathed in a golden light as the realization struck her that the voice had spared him for a reason—that there was no denying their feelings anymore—all while he smiled back and said those words she now feared never to hear again.

_"I'm okay!_ _Go, go!" _

_"He's DOA," he had confirmed before turning around to stare at her, ironic now as that simple acronym took on a whole new meaning. "That was some shot._ _You saved my life."_

_"Jamie, it was like I heard a voice, I swear to God," she had revealed with a dumbstruck look on her face, determined now to say the things that had been between them all along._

_"That's called a radio," he had tried to deflect once more in a last-ditch effort to deny it._

_"No. I'm serious._ _Like I knew, I knew you were in trouble before you even were," she had managed to breathe._ "_Like I w-was warned._ _Jamie!" she stuttered out before the distance between them forever closed._

_"I'd spend the five million on you…"_

Today, the warning had come too late—she was too late. He was gone. Why now? Eddie was too afraid to get any closer and confirm that, fully expecting from his actions her captain was about to start a meaningless round of CPR before giving up while she stood there in disbelief and watched just like the responding officers had in her recurring dream. They were the ones who had pulled a lifeless body out of that blood-spattered RMP's front seat onto the sidewalk and failed to revive him again and again every time she closed her eyes for days—the part she had blocked out after the first incident the second a glittering engagement ring had been slipped on her finger and never admitted to anyone else afterward, not even herself.

"No hole, no hole… c'mon Reagan, where is it? You're not gonna do this to me in my house!" Espinoza was frantically muttering to himself as he searched. His hands ran over the younger man's bare chest again in disbelief looking for some way to plug the devastating wound he fully expected to find after witnessing his sergeant's reaction to that .38 going off a second time. Jamie's body had jumped and then immediately gone limp before Winters had been pulled off of him. Now here he was lying there virtually motionless, covered in blood that did not appear to be his own, and yet seemingly unable to take in any air as his eyes began to roll back in his head.

"SON OF A BITCH! THERE'S NO HOLE!" Espinoza exclaimed in relief once he realized what happened, having fallen victim the same thing himself over the years. Aside from being considered a tough nut of a commander in the NYPD, he had once pursued football gridiron glory in college as a gritty but small running back on a D1 scholarship and had the wind knocked out of him this severely several times after taking a vicious helmet hit to the mid-body.

"BREATHE REAGAN!" he commanded again while pressing down hard on Jamie's midsection to give some relief to a spasming diaphragm and was immediately rewarded with a gasp as the younger man was finally able to exhale with the added help.

"'M' kay!" Jamie managed to stutter out after his second or third successful gulping attempt at intake. "Tell 'er," he begged while rolling an eye over to his wife, having heard the panic in her voice but unable to respond before this. The captain had surmised correctly—a bullet had not struck, but rather the shot itself had nearly paralyzed Jamie with pain and an inability to draw breath after the recoil had sent the butt of Gormley's gun directly into his unprotected solar plexus with enough force to put a horse down.

"Yeah, that's it… now in. Breathe, Reagan. He's alright, Janko, just got the wind knocked out of him is all. Get over here; you take over," Espinoza reiterated to a still-stunned Eddie who had yet to respond before that expressed order finally set her in motion, and she joined him at Jamie's side.

"T-that's all?" she stuttered in doubt at first, afraid to put her hands down amid all that blood only to find it was a lie. Surely it couldn't be true a second time. "H-he's really okay?"

"Yeah, he really is. Just keep the pressure right there until it relaxes; the gun must have kicked back right under his ribs when it went off," the captain further explained. He huffed out another "son of a bitch" to himself and sat back on one knee with a hand covering his face to give thanks for a mere half a second that the son of the Police Commissioner would not die on his watch this day. That done, he turned his attention to the rest of the urgent matters at hand, which included another officer who had, in fact, been shot, and was still in trouble.

"Gormley, sitrep!" Espinoza growled with an uncharacteristic disregard for the chain of command after moving over to assess the situation. Winters was down, bleeding heavily from what appeared to be a high shoulder wound just below his collar bone, but still conscious.

"No exit, the bullet's still in there. I got pressure on it, but it's not stopping. He's losing a lot of blood. I'm so sorry, Ted," Gormley managed to offer before continuing to apologize profusely for more than just his attempt to stanch the flow that was causing the man more pain. "I should 'a never let him get a hold of my gun," he admitted remorsefully to what was considered a cardinal sin among officers. Losing control of one's weapon was a fireable offense, and what was worse—it had been used on a fellow cop.

"S'okay Sid," Winters managed with another flinch even as he started to shake. "No one coulda seen that comin' 'n I let'm take me down… just glad Reagan's alright," he managed with shared guilt for the situation.

"Nah, this is all on me," Gormley paused for a second to acknowledge the fact that at least the Commissioner's newly married son was still in one piece before trying to corner the blame, something it seemed that would not be difficult to do.

"You got that, right!" Espinoza snapped to a superior since he was not feeling so generous after one look at Winters and immediately assumed control of the scene over the Lieutenant. "Here, you need to put the pressure there. See? That's where the main artery comes across. Must'a got nicked. Now it's almost stopped. Hang in there, Ted. The docs will patch you right up. You're not getting out of filing all this paperwork that easy," he tried to reassure.

"Wouldn't think of it, boss," Winters huffed as he closed his eyes and tried to comply.

"Rodgers and Mitchell!" Espinoza barked at two of his remaining men who had handcuffed Miller after the incident and were standing off to the side with him in custody before adding a rapid-fire set of commands. "Get that guy out of my sight and pull his brother out of the cell! Put him in my office, cuff him to the desk and stay there. Understand? I want the hallway cleared so the EMTs can get in here!" he ordered. "What's their ETA?"

"Sounds like they're pulling up outside now," Rodgers confirmed as he hurried to follow his boss's commands with his partner and both Miller brothers in tow—one silent and one still moaning to anyone who would listen over the fact that he had been shot while in custody.

"Ed," Jamie rasped, quickly regaining his senses now, as he managed to prop himself up gingerly on one elbow. "I'm okay now; I need to help them," he added with a hand on hers for confirmation, able to read Espinoza's tone even in his current state and recognize that both Winters and Gormley were in grave trouble.

"Get the shooting team here from IAB! No one touches anything before they say so!" their boss continued to line up his ducks in a row with limited staff available as he sought to control the very serious situation.

"Eddie," Jamie tried again as she continued to hesitate. "The Captain and LT… they're gonna need me to help handle this. There's gonna be fallout; get out before you're pulled in. You weren't here when it happened and you're not even on duty," he labored out with that realization, worried that his boss was going to bite off more than he could chew as his administratively-tuned mind raced ahead even further to what could become a real departmental cluster with the Reagan name attached. It was better if the newest member of the family was spared, especially in her current fragile state. Given all that, there was complete video surveillance in this room at all times and probably very little for the investigators to do. TARU could pull up the footage from numerous angles for anyone to view in minutes. No doubt there would be repercussions rolling in from the press and 1PP as fast as the ambulances had responded to a 10-13 since a shooting in custody by a well-known ADA with an officer's own gun was sure to turn into a spectacle on all fronts.

"Neither are you," she finally spoke in a hurt whisper, failing at first to hold back all the tears as she wiped her eyes before taking a nervous glance over to Winters. If Jamie had only understood where her mind was at, he would have never asked her to leave his side.

"Okay, then someone should ride in with Teddy," he tried a different tact, hoping to occupy her while intending to remain behind and act as a buffer. "I'll stay and come later."

"Negative," Espinoza squelched that idea, fully committed to handling this situation in his own way as he just as quickly read his sergeant's mind. Almost on cue, two sets of EMTs were directed into the room and began to work on both officers with Jamie unsuccessfully trying to fend them off while insisting he was fine. "Reagan, you're getting on a bus to St. Vincent's right behind Ted if I have to load you on it myself!" his boss threatened.

"Be alrighht," Winters slurred slightly.

"You're damn right you will be," Gormley assured as he tried to do what was needed even though still shaken by the events. "Now where's Peggy?" he asked, referring to Winters' wife while completely forgetting the obligations he had to his own who was waiting to board a plane to Atlanta. "We'll have someone pick her up and take her to the hospital."

"Already there," Winters tiredly replied as he was lifted onto the stretcher amid the medics' continued administrations. "Hav'in dialysis, third floor," came the further explanation as they were adding an oxygen mask over his face. "Can't tell her 'til it's over," he mumbled while continuing to shake his head adamantly, more worried about the state of her health than his own. "Sh'll be upset. Needs to finish… not done 'til noon. S'posed to pick 'er up then."

"Well, you're not gonna be able to wait that long," the worried EMT informed after taking one more look at the man's dropping blood pressure. "We need to get," he emphasized with a directed glance at Espinoza.

"Ted," the captain sighed as there was no way he was going to approve of withholding that kind of information from an officer's spouse, especially in this circumstance. "Now, you know I'm not going to allow that, or she'll be more upset to find out another way, I'm not gonna have Peg mad at me, understand? What if I have someone go and sit with her?" he tried to bargain instead.

"Stubborn… won't listen… sh'll leave… make 'er sicker."

"Two peas in a pod then, right?" Espinoza frowned in frustration as he tried to figure out a way around this, considering he had no intention of leaving until things were taken care of here in his house. "Officer Winters don't make me pull rank!" he tried more forcefully as was always his first reaction.

"I'll do it," Eddie finally softened and volunteered. Even though she was still shaken to the core after having that dream and then suffering a similar fright at seeing her husband injured in much the same manner, she had a fondness for the older patrolman, as did most others in the house, and couldn't bear the thought of him worrying over his wife, or her being alone at a time like this. "As long as Sergeant Reagan's going there to be checked out, anyway," she insinuated heavily considering Jamie's continued objections even though it eased her mind considerably to see him well enough already to fight back. "I'll sit with Peg and make sure she stays at her treatment. It'll be alright, Teddy. We met when she was here a few months ago, remember? I'll make sure she's okay; I promise."

"There you go, problem solved," Espinoza huffed with a grateful nod to Eddie for clearing two such important issues at once since he knew Jamie couldn't say no to his new wife given that tone. Maybe this in-house marriage thing would work out, anyway, especially if it gave him an ally in controlling the sometimes-overly-involved and heavily NYPD-connected sergeant.

"That sound okay with you, Ted?" he prodded.

"Alrighht, thank you, Janko. Tell 'er not to worry… be fine," Winters conceded before he was whisked away down the hall on the stretcher with the other patient declining a similar ride and arguing that he was fully capable of walking out to the ambulance by himself.

"Captain, there's just one thing," Jamie whispered after pulling his boss to the side while Eddie turned around at the door and waited expectantly. Evidently, given that look, she was unwilling to negotiate the terms spelled out earlier.

"Really, just one?" Espinoza snorted, disputing that fact with sarcasm as he'd already had his fill of interference from the Reagan family this morning. Now, not only did he face the ramifications of an injured blue-blooded member over the pre-ordered investigation involving Winters, a beloved officer who at this very moment was being rolled out of his precinct with a gunshot wound, but also serious charges to level at the Commissioner's de facto Chief of Department for his utter carelessness in carrying a weapon past the front desk and allowing himself to be disarmed. On top of that, there was a bone to pick with a certain Bureau Chief with the same name who had pulled a hook in the first place to keep the prisoner here against protocol, allowing a disturbed, out-of-control ADA to shoot up his holding area and one of his men. Finally, his nerves were further frayed by the ringing phone masked intermittently by abject howls of pain and accusations of police brutality emanating from his office where an alleged child rapist was having a mere scratch attended to with a Band-Aid. In all, it was safe to say the ordinarily tight ship of his command was in full disarray, and any further challenge would be the last straw to drop the camel to the ground as that pulsating vein in his left temple area attested.

"I know you're gonna want to run this one by the books," Jamie continued anyway, with a directed look at Gormley despite his boss's readily apparent ire. "My two cents if you'll have them, sir? Let 1PP take the lead on this," he advised. "The Lieutenant and my father are tight, but if there's one thing he won't allow it's favoritism. This situation is going to give the Commissioner fits. Maybe it'll take him a day or two, but he'll do the right thing in the end. Trust him."

"Trust _me,_ Sergeant Reagan," Espinoza assured as he took Jamie by the arm and bundled him down to where Eddie was standing near the locker rooms before handing him off. "This is _my_ house, and you can be for damn sure it will be handled that way," he added before watching the couple depart towards the waiting ambulance as ordered. At that very moment, Gormley's phone began to buzz behind them. No doubt the news of a shooting in one of the NYPD's precincts had reached 1PP by now.

"Yes, sir, I'm here," he heard the Lieutenant respond reluctantly with a heavy sigh. "Listen, boss, I'm sorry, but we've got big problems."

* * *

_Happy BB Friday everyone! Wondering what Frank's reaction will be? Is his son right to be concerned with the way Espinoza will handle things? Gormley could be in big trouble here. Once Jamie's removed from the situation though, that focus might turn to his wife where it probably should be, anyway, since Eddie has a lot to handle too. _


	5. Chapter 5

_Happy BB Friday! It looks like a good one tonight between Jamie and Frank! A little bit of that setting up here today too!_

* * *

Chapter 5

Minutes before placing that urgent phone call to his lieutenant to find out what the hell was going on at the 2-9, and just prior to the first details of the shooting filtering in, Frank had been sitting quietly in his office with Abigail, ostensibly reviewing the week's schedule while inwardly mulling over the Gormley family situation and the expected fallout from the AG investigation.

"And Friday wraps up with an afternoon visit to the Academy for the new recruit luncheon," Baker summed up dutifully while looking up for confirmation of his approval even though she could tell her boss's mind was elsewhere. "They'll be serving raw squid and eels over kale," she added to test his attention.

"Sounds fine," Frank responded automatically with full faith in his assistant's ability to handle all of the mundane daily particulars to his satisfaction. He rubbed his chin and stared blankly at the itinerary in his hand which of course made no mention of such slimy fare.

"Sir," Baker sighed with a slight sharpness that finally punctured his fog.

"Sorry," he apologized and sat back, having been caught out while buried in his own thoughts. "It's just a hell of a thing… what's happening to Sid," he added, having no idea how profound that statement truly was and the implications it was about to have. "Always tough when one of your kids throws a curve this big."

"I'm sure he'll be able to handle things down in Atlanta with Sheila," Baker assured and remembered a day not so long ago when the tables had been turned. "Last year at this time we were all worried about how you would react to Jamie and Eddie riding together after the engagement, remember? And look at how that worked out. A few days later, your son surprised you with the news that he not only took the sergeant's test without your knowledge, but finished first, and you couldn't be happier with your new daughter-in-law, right? In a few months when Sid is bouncing that baby on his knee, none of this will matter. He'll be back to his old cheerful self by then, just like you are now… sort of," she added under her breath given the Commissioner's continued melancholy.

"That's true," Frank admitted with a bit of relief over that apt comparison as he considered the events since Jamie's promotion and Eddie's current place in the Reagan family. After the shock of that unexpected announcement coupled with the division it initially caused between father and son wore off, Jamie had excelled as a boss under the challenge of the 2-9, and she had stepped right in and filled an empty chair at the table as if it had always been hers. Now, after a heartfelt plea and walk down the aisle, he had the sense that she was more of a true daughter and not just an in-law. Even the initial brash abrasiveness of Lena Janko had smoothed out to a degree since the wedding, still…

"Sometimes things get darker…" he began to profess instead before being cut short again.

"Before the dawn," Baker interrupted deliberately to complete that thought in an effort to move him out of this funk in an expeditious manner since there was a full slate of work scheduled for the morning and she had no desire to get behind the eight ball so early in the day.

"You knew I was going to say, 'before turning pitch black' but let's go with your version instead," Frank conceded with a smirk and a touch of irony as he continued with their usual bantering style. The comment was barely out of his mouth though before his office door banged open and the two regarded an obviously flustered Garret Moore standing there.

"What now?" the Commissioner demanded uneasily knowing that look and considering the statement he had just uttered.

"There's been a shooting at the 2-9… _inside_ the precinct house," Moore managed to convey nervously as the mood in the room went from bad to worse with every word. "Initial report has two officers and one civilian down, shooter in custody," he staggered out.

"AND?" Frank hammered back, thoroughly unsatisfied with that level of detail. "Which officers? Is anyone likely? How did the perp get a weapon in there? What does the commanding officer have to say?"

"I… I don't know those answers," Moore admitted as the news had left him uncharacteristically disconcerted with the thought of his close friend and officemate in danger this time. "I didn't get anything else from Central, and no one is picking up at the precinct. Sid, he always… he handles that part of it."

"Baker, get me Captain Espinoza on the line, I WANT A SITREP NOW!" Frank ordered in the same tone as he always used whenever the news hit that an officer was hurt in the line of duty. In this case, however, he was also forced to balance the knowledge that his youngest, as well as Lieutenant Gormley, had also likely been in the line of fire. What that could mean was not lost on him—a son he'd asked a favor from that morning despite not yet having seen him in the flesh since waving goodbye to a happy couple as they departed their wedding reception en route to a late-night honeymoon flight more than two weeks ago, and, on top of that, a close friend who was facing his own family crisis but had taken the time to fulfill a duty to the NYPD first. The thought of that being the last he saw either of them left a pit of fear in his stomach—one he was looking to fill with whatever information was available.

"No one is answering at the Captain's desk," Baker reported just minutes later, somehow managing to efficiently find and dial out to that specific number in only a few heartbeats. "I'm having Central radio back to the reporting officer," she added with the phone still up to her ear before relaying the spotty information as it trickled in. "We've got him on the line now, sir. The precinct was evacuated… one perp under… EMTs have already arrived… two officers injured while disarming the shooter… one with problems breathing…. one with a GSW to the shoulder… one prisoner with a minor GSW in the holding cell."

"Get me the names of the officers involved!" Frank demanded as what little patience he had left had been thoroughly frayed by this point.

"Yes, sir," Baker answered before asking the same from the dispatcher in the three-way conversation and looking up at her boss in sorrow, knowing he would hold guilt over the following facts. "Sergeant Reagan and Officer Winters," she confirmed with hesitation before listening intently and conveying more promising details that would have the three standing in the big office at 1PP quickly sighing in relief. "The sergeant is conscious and alert… his injuries do not appear to be serious. Officer Winters was wounded in the shoulder area and is bleeding heavily but not likely. They're both on the way to St. Benjamin's now."

"Jesus," Moore sweated and instinctively wiped his brow as he considered the ramifications had this gone any other way before defending his position at having failed to provide any such information. "Wait, if they're already in a bus and the scene is clear, why the hell didn't Sid call this in?" he huffed.

"Maybe he didn't get there yet," Baker reasoned although the timing seemed unlikely given when Gormley had left and the fact that scheduled flight was due to take off in less than an hour.

"I want to know who was shooting up my precinct, and how a perp got a gun past the front desk or back in the holding area to clip a prisoner in custody!" Frank drilled down on what seemed to be a clear violation of protocol, sensing correctly that perhaps there was a cluster behind this and the reason the 2-9's house CO had seemingly been ducking any contact with his superiors.

"If Espinoza isn't going to answer, get Sid on the phone! I want to know what happened over there right now!"

###

"Teddy just went upstairs; the surgeon said the operation should take about two hours," Eddie reported over the phone even as she hurried back over to the quieter, curtained area in the rear of the ER where Jamie was being detained. She fully expected him to be dressed and ready for discharge after a quick basic exam had thankfully shown no sign of serious injuries. "The bullet's still in there, but he's stable now so it looks like he'll be okay too. He talked to his daughter Emily first because she's studying to be a PA, so she understands what's happening. She's going to call her mom in a few minutes and explain everything the doctor said before driving up from grad school in Delaware to be with them. I've gotta go find Peg now, so someone is sitting with her when she finds out. Wait, are you okay?" she stopped short after rounding the corner and realizing with a start that a nurse was attempting to attach some EKG leads to a moving target—one who decided he'd had enough such attention for one day and was trying to leave.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Ed. Just wait a sec; I'm coming with you. This is ridiculous," Jamie argued as he put the phone down and reached for the t-shirt and uniform pants they had stopped to retrieve from his locker at the 2-9 before leaving knowing IAB would confiscate his bloodied civilian clothes for evidence.

"No, it's not!" the nurse, a seasoned veteran named Amanda Gage insisted and pushed him back down onto the bed. "You took a blow to the chest; the doctor wants to monitor your heart for at least an hour to make sure everything is normal. Now, hold still please, Officer Reagan," she chastised with a no-frills determination to finish her mission.

"Sergeant," Jamie gritted as she pressed the lower two pads in place firmly against the most heavily bruised area. "Ow!" he flinched, convinced that the amount of force was excessive to adhere them. "Seriously! Is this necessary? He just told me the x-rays were clear!"

"And in an hour or so, if you're lucky, someone will tell you the EKG is clear," Gage determined with a huff and hands on her hips. "So, if I were you, I'd lay back and relax, _Sergeant_ Reagan, because if the alarm goes off even once it'll be a lot longer than that. Look at it this way," she tried to mitigate while he continued to shake his head. "If there's an issue, at least we can catch it here before it turns into a bigger problem. I'll not have a cop drop over on my watch, never mind the Commissioner's son… too much paperwork," she kidded and miserably failed to lighten his mood.

"Jesus, did you have to say that in front of my wife?" he gasped at her response, knowing that, despite all her assurances, Eddie was still struggling to hold it all together. That dream of hers and the fear manifested behind it could have serious ramifications if not dealt with promptly.

"Can't you see she's upset? For Christ's sake, she thought I'd been shot!" he added angrily in her defense.

"Jamie," Eddie sighed, the fact that he was outing her emotional frailty to a stranger now just making matters worse. "Please don't."

"No, he's right. I'm sorry, that was insensitive of me," the nurse backed off and was quick to apologize once she took a better read of the situation and the couple's elevated stress level. "You know how it gets in here when a call involves cops or other first responders… we're all a pile of nerves waiting. Sometimes joking about it helps us cope, especially when the outcomes are good like today," she emphasized before explaining. "I've seen you both here in uniform before, so I knew you were on the job, but it's different when it's your own wife or husband. He is going to be fine, Mrs. Reagan. Dr. Wright's just being a little overly cautious."

"Thank you," Eddie gratefully acknowledged that kindly assurance. "I'm sorry too… we've been… it's just been a tough day," she trailed off sadly without getting into any further details.

"I can imagine. Again, I'm sorry if I made that worse. I know your family has been through a lot… I used to work with Linda at St. Victor's," the nurse admitted to some insider information, anyway. "We went to school together too. We were all sad to hear what happened to her."

"Yeah, um… that was tough for all of us, especially my brother and the kids," Jamie finally interjected. He had no wish to further open up that rabbit hole considering how spooked his wife was while recalling a previous related conversation about the Reagan family's combined losses in this generation. "Can we have a minute to talk… privately?" he emphasized with a leading look away.

"Jamie," Eddie exhaled again once they were alone, knowing the only reason he was being so obstinate was out of worry for her. Although she wanted nothing more than to fall apart and hide away from all this in his arms, there was a promise to keep. "Please, I can't do this now," she whispered on the edge of breaking before toughening up again. "Like I told you, I'm fine. Just stay here and let them finish so we're sure nothing's wrong, alright? If you don't, then I'll worry over that too. I need to be with Peggy now. We'll go home afterward… and talk there," she added with hesitation.

"Well, I'm worried about you right_ now,"_ he returned with emphasis. "And are you sure that's where you should be? Giving that kind of news to another cop's wife after everything that's happened, I mean?"

"If not me, then who else?"

"Eddie, I'm sure by now there's plenty of guys out in the waiting room from the 2-9 who've known Teddy and his family for a lot longer than you or I have. Let one of them do it."

"No, I promised!" she balked before challenging his doubtful expression. "He wants another cop's wife to be with her. If it were you, then I'd want someone there who knows how I feel, right? Don't you think I can handle it?" she added defensively, something he was prepared for since it was often one of her expressed coping mechanisms whenever she felt insecure.

"Of course, I do. Look, I just know how hard it is, Ed. When you took that bullet to the vest last year, I couldn't see straight, not after hearing that shot and watching you fall down those steps," Jamie explained quietly and considered that incident immediately preceded the shocking appearance of an unexpected rival at the hospital. "I sure wouldn't have been the best choice to sit with Dunleavy's wife when she got the news," he referenced the officer who had died. "Because more than anything I was just glad it wasn't you."

"But you did… well, not that, but you went on with the job," Eddie pointed out with a determination not to be taken lightly. "You worked the next shift and every single one after that without me. I knew how scared you were… I could hear it in your voice, and I knew it brought everything back with Vinny even though you wouldn't admit it, just like you wouldn't admit your feelings for me. You've always been afraid of losing another partner. That's why I called Barry to come to get me and tried to push you away," she confessed and looked down out of guilt, knowing how much her actions after that had hurt him. "But it didn't work."

"No, and it never will because those feelings are too strong," Jamie asserted. "Eddie, I want you to remember that when those thoughts start… it was something like this that brought us together. We're meant to be with each other, on the job and off, and I'm not afraid to admit that to anyone now… not you, or my family, or the whole damn NYPD. We'll always have each other's backs even if that doesn't fit with anyone else's idea of how a marriage should be. I love you, you're my partner in every aspect of my life, and that's never gonna change."

"But now it's me who's always afraid of losing you," Eddie sadly conceded as she leaned over to rest against him and he squeezed her shoulder tighter. Even though she desperately needed to continue this conversation, there was another responsibility that had to come first and another woman who would need to face the same fear.

"I'm not sure if I can handle that after those dreams and what happened today…"

"You will, I did," he interrupted that train of thought with a whisper in her ear and held her close. "Whatever and wherever it takes Ed, we'll figure this out together. I promise I'll always be there for you, alright?"

"Mm-hm," she gave in half-heartedly with a sniff just as his phone began to vibrate with the ID of "Dad" announcing the caller's identity. "You better take that," she observed before receiving one last hug for comfort. "He's gonna want to know what happened and that you're okay… just, please, Jamie… I don't want him to hear about _this,"_ she begged with her eyes welling at the thought of leaving him, unnerved, but still unwilling to cross that line between boss and father-in-law. "Not now."

"One hour," he promised instead while staring into her eyes before finally releasing her. "I'll give them exactly one hour to do this damn test, and then I'll come to find you. Text me and let me know how it's going. I love you, Edit Marie Reagan," he called after her when she finally turned to go. "And that's never gonna change," he reiterated before lying back against the pillow to deal with that phone call and mull over their current situation, all while trying to keep his heart rate slow and steady despite the worry it held so he could follow her at the earliest possible moment.

"Yeah, Dad, I'm here," he answered reluctantly with a heavy sigh while holding his promise to her as he outwardly turned his attention to other matters at hand. "Listen, I'm okay, but we've got big problems."

* * *

_Big problems indeed, and more to come on several fronts. Next, Frank addresses the fact that Gormley was at least partially responsible for the morning's events, and Eddie confronts one of her worst fears through the eyes of another cop's wife as Peggy Winters receives the news that her husband has been injured on duty._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Peggy Winters?" Eddie inquired at the desk of the dialysis center located on the third floor of St. Benjamin's directly above the emergency room. She took a nervous, deep breath and tried with limited success to plaster on a friendly, reassuring smile before being directed down the hall toward a slight-looking woman sitting in the far chair, buried under a blanket and seemingly lost in thought among the pages of a hardback novel.

"Hi, Peggy?" she repeated softly to catch the woman's attention, fearing that her mere presence would be enough to initial red flags of panic that only another cop's spouse could appreciate. Instead, she was met with a polite but puzzled look as Margaret Winters sought to place the vaguely familiar face and voice without the uniform and signature hair bun attached.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. Do you remember me? It's Eddie Janko. I work with Teddy at the 2-9. We met during lunch a few months ago."

"Oh, of course, dear. I'm so sorry," Peggy apologized and waved a hand to welcome her unexpected visitor closer. The solo appearance of one of her husband's fellow officers dressed in street clothes had not yet rung any alarm bells as a visit from someone with NYPD brass attached surely would have. Score one for a protective husband's instincts. "Sometimes these treatments put me in such a fog," she explained with a nod to the machines that were actively cleansing her blood of toxins in a four-hour process she endured multiple times each week. "Theodore calls it my kidney brain. I was a librarian for almost thirty years, and now it takes all morning to make it through a few chapters of a good book," she shrugged. "I don't think I'd remember how to get home on days like this if he didn't come and pick me up on his meal break."

"Theodore," Eddie smiled automatically at hearing the overly formal sounding given name of her co-worker for the first time, even as her heart panged against the news she was about to deliver since someone else's husband would not be there to fulfill his duties that day. It was apparent with just the affection displayed in that one word the kind of close relationship this couple shared. "I have a Jameson," she divulged impulsively instead, trying to put off the inevitable for a few more seconds even though somewhere in Delaware a daughter was no doubt waiting with heartbreak for a go-ahead text before placing a critical call.

"Ah, yes. You're the one with eyes for the new sergeant. Theodore said a few weeks ago he heard there was to be a wedding," Peggy nodded knowingly with a glance at Eddie's hand to confirm as she came up to speed. "Oh, come; don't be embarrassed, dear," she added as the younger woman blushed, still uncomfortable with the notion of her relationship with Jamie being found out, even now that they were husband and wife. "It's wonderful to be young and in love. Surely you know that's been the talk of the house since the two of you came on there last year."

"Well, I'm finding that out now," Eddie ruefully acknowledged as it seemed that despite precautions everyone was in the know, anyway, including extended family members. "It's just not something that's usually done… falling for your partner that is, and especially like this with Jamie's father being the Commissioner…" she trailed off. 'I guess we were both in denial for a long time about what everyone else could see."

"I'm sure that complicates things, but I'll let you in on a little secret," Peggy Winters confided knowingly before echoing a familiar sentiment. "It doesn't matter what you do or who you are; there will always be someone who has a different idea of how your marriage should be. Theodore and I met when he was in the academy," she disclosed. "My family was completely against the idea of a marriage to a rookie cop when he proposed. They tried to scare me away by telling me how dangerous his job was and how I would do nothing but worry about him every day or eventually end up alone, but they were so wrong. Look how that turned out… I've shared my life with the most wonderful, kind man, and we have a beautiful daughter. If it weren't for me, Theodore would be deservedly retired by now after twenty-five years of walking a beat, but at least I know he's safe behind a desk for the last few months. Now I'm the one dying instead after sitting in my safe little book space for all those years," she added sadly, having sincere regret for putting her husband through such an added ordeal.

"Oh, Peggy, I'm so sorry!" Eddie cried, and her breath caught as the tone of the conversation shifted. What she was about to reveal would only cause more pain.

"No, dear, don't be upset; I shouldn't have said that. I guess I'm just feeling a little blue and sorry for myself today. I don't even know why," the older woman acknowledged while moving the blanket and shifting her weight, exposing how truly frail she was. Evidently, her disease was starting to take the upper hand both physically and mentally after more than five years of a valiant fight. "Let's blame the kidney brain," she offered a small, pained smile instead. "Now tell me, Officer Eddie Janko, what brings you here today? Surely, you're not sick too, I hope," she noted the healthy-looking, glowing honeymoon tan reflected from the concerned face staring back.

"No… I, um… well... Jamie and I were at the 2-9 this morning for a meeting with Captain Espinoza, and Teddy asked me to stop by to see you…" Eddie started, teetering on a white lie while still trying to ease her way into a terrible reveal.

"Oh, that man!" Peggy tutted, still unaware of the awful truth about to be spoken. "I swear he's such a mother hen. Always worried about me; he's ten-times worse since I've gotten sick. Did you know Theodore tried to give me one of his own kidneys? As it turns out I'm a very rare type but he's a perfect match. That's when we found out about his heart condition, though. Now no surgeon will touch him, and we've been denied by the insurance company. He blames himself for that as if it's his fault. I hope this wasn't an inconvenience, dear."

"No, it really wasn't," Eddie assured as she pulled a chair closer and took the other woman's hand before gently informing her stunned new friend of the awful circumstances behind this visit. Despite a pounding heart, she managed to keep her voice steady while trying to reassure that everything would be alright. "Peggy, I have to tell you something, but I don't want you to get upset, okay? Because I know exactly how you're feeling. There was an incident at the precinct this morning, and both our husbands were hurt, but they're going to be fine. Teddy and the doctor have already spoken to Emily, and they asked me to sit with you while she calls to explain. He's in surgery right now…"

###

"I just confirmed; Curtis Miller was treated at the scene for minor injuries and then taken to Central Booking along with his brother. Any news on the two officers' conditions?" DCPI Garrett Moore pried cautiously from the doorway after returning to the office with a prudently worded press statement in hand that needed a few final facts and approval before release. He was unable to read his boss's current temperature, however, considering the Commissioner's back was turned as he stared down at the city from his favored perch by the window.

"I spoke to my son if that's what you're asking," Frank offered before releasing one of those signature heavy sighs that came from deep within and left no doubt as to his agitated state of mind. "Jamie said he's fine, but they ordered another test before they'll discharge him. Winters is in surgery; should be out by eleven," he summarized with a glance over at the clock that showed it to be 9:45. "Captain Espinoza asked Eddie to take the lead with the wife for now while he handles things at the precinct."

"Peggy," Moore provided automatically as part of his responsibilities, assuming that meant the detail was waiting and they would be leaving shortly to attend to the injured officer's family. "One daughter, Emily, in her fifth year at Del Val. Should I make arrangements to…?"

"She's already on her way," Frank bit back and cut that offer short as he battled his own sense of guilt for what the officer's family was now facing. "Her mother's at St. Benjamin's having her morning dialysis treatment, so Ted asked that Eddie go sit with her and make sure she stays to the end of the session. Jamie thinks it would be better if I give them some space and wait until that's done and the daughter arrives. I'll go over there after Winters is out of surgery and they're able to see him," he relayed, unaware that his son was actually trying to buy time for a rattled new wife to compose herself before having to deal with the Commissioner's presence too.

"Eddie? What was _she_ doing there?" Moore wondered aloud at that further wrinkle, trying to work out how in the normal parameters of protocol that might have come about. "She's off duty, right? And isn't that Espinoza's job, anyway?"

"Well, he's been a little busy dealing with the rest of this, hasn't he?" Frank growled considering what they were all facing, especially given the Captain's repeated insistence that matters not be swept under the rug.

"I'm just saying; I'm having a hard time following when it's considered permissible to break procedure," Moore poked, knowing that comment would surely bring this conversation to a head. He continued to look for an argument that might spare his friend from what he was afraid would be an inevitable fate.

"After all this, that's the bone you want to pick? Eddie was outside the precinct waiting for Jamie to finish his meeting when the shots were fired, and she rushed inside to help," he reported with evident pride in his daughter-in-law's instincts which were completely in keeping with the family name. "A _Reagan_ is never off duty," he reminded with deliberate emphasis that left no doubt as to her status.

"Noted," Moore snipped and made a mental check not to cross that bridge again when it came to the newest member of the blue-blooded clan.

"Have you seen it?" Frank demanded instead and deftly changed the subject while rocking back on his heels in renewed irritation.

"The video from TARU?" Moore assumed, given the icy tone. "Yes," he admitted, having taken Baker's prompt from her desk to view Gormley's role in the debacle before deciding to walk into the lion's den. "I know it looks bad, but it wasn't Sid's fault!" he defended anyway although he knew it would fall on procedure-bound deaf ears.

"The hell it wasn't," Frank huffed back, having gleaned enough details from the conversations with his lieutenant and Captain Espinoza on top of what could be clearly seen from the tape to draw his own conclusion. The situation was cut and dried, and several serious rules had been breached.

"There's no way he could have known a reputable ADA was going to react like that!" Moore tried to play devil's advocate in an effort to spare his workmate from total liability in the matter.

"And that's exactly the reason weapons are required to be checked and are not allowed in the holding area or beyond the front desk!" Frank growled as he turned around. "Sid broke protocol!"

"I'm sure he knows that," Moore countered as he looked for any excuse to protect his friend. "He was just… distracted."

"DISTRACTED? Is that what you put in the press release? That a high-ranking officer from 1PP was so distracted that he forgot he was armed, failed to react to an active threat and, due to that fact, not one but two fellow officers were hurt, _and_ a prisoner in NYPD custody was shot? Sid wasn't even supposed to have a weapon on him!" Frank railed and for a second paused to consider his own culpability in that situation. Had he not pushed an obviously stressed Gormley out of the office that fast, then perhaps none of this would have happened. Still, there was that argument for personal responsibility that he, like his assistant, held near and dear at all times.

"Baker told him to secure it downstairs before he left for the airport! If this hadn't happened, then tonight's headline would have read 'Armed NYPD Lieutenant Arrested in Security Breach at JFK!'"

"I put in the press release that the department will be conducting a thorough investigation, same as always!" Moore countered with a familiar line. "Just like you would tell me to do for any other officer under your watch!"

"Sid's not _any_ other officer, though, is he?" Frank argued, having already concluded what the only available option was—one that was decidedly harsh and seemed unfair given the scale of what Gormley had personally sacrificed for the department. "He's the face of the rank and file in this office, and I cannot and will not hold him to a lower standard than anyone else!"

"So, you're firing him?" Moore assumed before another option reared its ugly head. "No, that's wrong. Sid's resigning to keep the department's hands clean in it, right? So that's it? One mistake in a decades-long career and he's supposed to fall on his sword and lose his pension? You know that will break him!"

"That's how these things work," Frank gruffly acknowledged as he returned to his desk, fully expecting to vet the press release in his DCPI's hands. "Let's have it."

"No," Moore countered as he threw the paper in the trash instead. "If that's what you're set on I'll have to go back to my office and rewrite this," he added in contempt for his own complicity in that action before turning to leave, only to be met by Baker in the doorway.

"Bureau Chief Reagan here to see you," she announced with a tight look as, despite all of her efforts, things in the office had decidedly gone to hell in a handbasket this morning, and a meeting with the Commissioner's daughter was certainly not going to help at this point.

"Show her in," Frank shook his head with a frown, forced to switch gears yet again and deal with another break in the chain that had seen two of his officers hurt, the NYPD's reputation tarnished, and an entire precinct put in danger.

"Dad, I just heard," Erin rushed in with the same look on her face she had whenever there was a hot button issue between her office and 1PP.

"Did you now?" he replied with the tone he'd always use whenever she came to him like this, whether it was for a dented fender on the car when she was 16, or, in this case, a vastly more severe matter. "Seems like you were the first one to hear about it," he countered instead and referred to the fact that Curtis Miller had been detained at the 2-9 on her orders with the end result of her own younger sibling being hurt on top of the rest of this mess.

"How are Jamie and Officer Winters?" she demanded first, fully expecting this reception, as she did whenever that perceived blue line was crossed.

"Your brother is fine, just bruised," Frank sighed since at least that particular bit of news had come with great relief. "I spoke to him, and he assured me he'd be discharged shortly. Officer Winters is in surgery but expected to recover."

"Thank God," Erin breathed out, knowing that at least on that count things were not as bad as they could have been. "I didn't know," she started to address the rest while Moore and Baker looked on, experienced enough in the Reagan code to let this confrontation play out on its own.

"Didn't know?" Frank tossed those words right back at her. "How's that?" he challenged for clarity, not feeling very forgiving of anyone, including his own daughter in this mess. "Didn't know not to use her name to interfere with police business? That there's a reason why perps in special victim cases are processed out of the local precinct ASAP and taken to Central Booking where they can be put in protective custody before something like this happens!" he thundered.

"I didn't know that's what Curtis was being charged with! He's only had misdemeanors on his record for things like public drunkenness and loitering before," Erin continued to stand her ground in an effort to explain. "Marcus texted me first thing in the morning and said his younger brother was in some trouble again and asked that I have him held at the 2-9 so that he had time to run down there to figure out what it was before he was due in court this morning. It was a personal favor for a friend," she insisted. "He never said anything about his daughter being molested! There's no way I would have agreed to step in if I thought it was anything else!"

"But now we have a child predator shot in custody who is claiming police brutality and two cops down," Frank reiterated. "And a Reagan in this office, one who gave the order to hold him and more than one who was in the line of fire!"

"And I have an ADA who will be charged with a minimum three counts of attempted murder and all that will bring to the District Attorney's office," his daughter reminded since the fallout was sure to rain down on both sides of the street in this instance. "So maybe we need to come up with a game plan to deal with this that's mutually beneficial before you release anything to the press," she bargained.

"Then we better get to work," her father agreed reluctantly with another glance at the clock as he mentally checked the whereabouts of all the major players involved: the Miller brothers were at Central Booking being processed, Jamie was due to be medically cleared at any moment, Teddy Winters was halfway through surgery, and Eddie was pulling double duty as both an injured officer's wife and a family liaison. That left only one member of the team unaccounted for and out in the cold.

"Get Sid back here," he directed to Baker with regret as the wheels of departmental business were set to grind forward. "I need that resignation signed before anything else," he added before the four of them got down to the ugly business at hand.

* * *

_Poor Gormley, he's a good guy with the right intentions, but this isn't looking like it will end well for him. Next, he'll have an awkward conversation back at 1PP with Frank while Eddie is driven to another moment of panic by the arrival of someone unexpected at the hospital before this story and perhaps one of our characters comes to an unexpected end. Three chapters remain._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Boss, I'm sorry."

Those three words spoken from the doorway and the remorseful tone they were offered in told the Commissioner all he needed to know about Lieutenant Gormley's state of mind after his return to 1PP.

"That's it, then?"

"There's nothin' else left to say."

"Close the door and sit down," was the order, anyway, as Frank deliberately blocked off the rest of the discussion from the prying eyes and ears of Baker and Moore hovering in the outer office.

"There has to be more to this. I want to know what happened," he roughly demanded while leaning forward on his desk after his assistant sadly complied. "You've been under a lot of stress the past few months, and today your kid hooked one out to the bleachers in left field, but the _cop_ I know," he emphasized with a pointed finger pounding on his desk for emphasis. "The one who's served this department with honor for almost twenty years wasn't who I saw on that video. Never mind the fact you failed to check your weapon, to not react when Miller stormed into the room… Sid," he shook his head, still looking for some sort of reasonable explanation that could be used to stave off the inevitable. "Talk to me; that's not you."

"I… I can't explain it either, Boss," Gormley admitted with a deep sense of guilt for having put his fellow officers at risk that way, not to mention the Commissioner's son. "Like I told IAB, I shoulda realized I was still carrying, and I take full responsibility for that, but the truth is I just… maybe I haven't exactly been myself lately. Sheila's been after me about it for a while, you know… I've forgotten stuff here and there. Nothin' bad; I mean it's not like I can't remember my name or find my way home like my old man did when he had the Alzheimer's or anything. I just figured it was age and bad habits catchin' up after all these years. But today," he shook his head shamefully. "Today, that was somethin' else. I froze, and I ain't never done that before."

"I know you haven't," Frank sighed as he sat back, his anger at the situation diminishing somewhat as he acknowledged the response was an honest one. "But that doesn't change the facts, and how this has to be handled. Captain Espinoza is madder than a wet hornet and demanding accountability, so the integrity of this office is on the line," he paused and left the rest unsaid since there was no reason to explain all this to a man who had held the same convictions his whole career.

"You gotta do, what you gotta," Gormley conceded, even though the notion of giving up this job was a blow like no other he'd ever experienced. Always known as a cop's cop, he realized there was no other option though, and he followed through holding fast to his beliefs. "And Espinoza is just being a good boss, so don't hold it against him. I put his men and everyone else in that house in danger, including your son. If that were my squad, I'd be yellin' at the top of my lungs for heads to roll too. This isn't on you either, Boss, so put the blame where it belongs, right here," he pounded on his chest which had tightened with grief at the thought of all he was about to lose. "I'll have my resignation on your desk and clear out my office in an hour. It was a good run," he concluded sadly. "Just sorry it had to end this way."

"What are you going to do?" Frank demanded in concern for a friend who he knew was facing more than just the loss of his livelihood. "Have you talked to Sheila yet?"

"Won't answer me. I'm sure she's on that plane to Atlanta, probably thinkin' I let the job come before her and the family again," Gormley admitted with defeat as he considered about how his wife would take the news of his inaction and the consequences to his career and their finances. "Guess she won't have to worry 'bout that any more," he sighed. "First thing, I'm gonna go see Teddy at the hospital and apologize to him and Peg again before anything else. Then I'm gonna have to find a way down to Georgia on my own dime this time," he insisted with emphasis, since on top of everything else his pride had been dinged as well. "I gotta put things back together with Sheila. Maybe we'll stay there for a while… like you said, the kids are gonna need help with the baby and the cost of living is supposed to be better in the south, isn't it?" he added hopefully, still thinking about that soon-to-be dwindling bank account.

"Sid, I wish it could be any other way," Frank lamented as he was genuinely sorry to see such an honorable career end like this. "If there's anything I can do…" he extended in a more personal way. "I mean it. You just have to ask."

"Yeah, Boss, I hear ya, and thanks again for the opportunity. Like I said before, it was time for that lull thing to come around and bite me in the ass again, right?" Gormley acknowledged as he slowly got to his feet and extended a hand, his arm numb and legs feeling like leaded logs as he tried to force them to do his bidding and walk away from the best job he'd ever dreamed off. "We'll be okay," he tried to assure everyone without any real conviction as he opened the door and walked past two other concerned co-workers and onto the elevator without another word.

"Sir!" Baker interjected as she hurried over to the doorway while looking nervously over her shoulder to the departing broken man. "You can't let him leave that way!"

"I wish I had a choice," the Commissioner sighed with a heavy frown as he angrily pushed Garret's revised press release to the side—the one that now detailed the lieutenant's resignation as a result of his actions, or lack thereof, earlier in the morning and the consequences thereof.

"This isn't right!" Baker insisted as she uncharacteristically pushed back against one of her boss's decisions.

"No, it's not, Abigail, but neither is what happened at the 2-9 today. There's nothing else I can do. Give Sid a few minutes alone," Frank ordered. "And then go down there bring that paper back up so we can get on with it."

###

_r u ok?_

Eddie nervously bit the inside of her cheek as her fourth text to Jamie in as many minutes went unanswered. Having somehow managed to convince Peggy Winters to stay put and finish the dialysis session while Teddy remained in surgery, her thoughts had now turned to her own husband, and this sudden radio silence was beginning to fray her nerves. What was it that the nurse said while trying to convince him to stay?

_"If there's an issue, at least we can catch it here before it turns into a bigger problem. I'll not have a cop drop over on my watch, never mind the Commissioner's son… too much paperwork," she had kidded._

Eddie's eyes widened, and her heart began to race again as, despite the twenty previous replies that stated everything was fine, those waves of anxiety she had battled all day were coming back stronger now than ever. Something was wrong; she knew it. Her fingers flew over the phone's keyboard again.

_where r u? pls answer me!_

"Is everything alright, dear?" Peggy asked with a sharp, worried edge of her own as she noticed her assigned babysitter's growing angst. "Is it my Theodore?" she gasped, the thought of her husband and his now fragile heart never far from her mind.

"No, Peg," Eddie assured as she put the device down. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you. I was just checking on Jamie, and he's not answering. He's probably in the middle of being discharged by now or talking to someone from IAB. The nurse I spoke to a few minutes ago said she heard that everything was still going well with Teddy's surgery though. I know it's hard just to sit here and wait," she acknowledged, feeling the same way. "But there really isn't anything else for us to do. As soon as you're done with your treatment, we'll go upstairs to the waiting area. Maybe Ted will be out of surgery and Emily will be here by then," she encouraged.

"You're right; I'm sure," Peggy replied as she uneasily sat back. "Thank you for staying, but you should go see your Jameson," she advised kindly. "I'll be okay. Perhaps one of the nurses can sit with me instead. There's no need for both of us to worry so."

"Jamie is fine," Eddie insisted in an effort to reassure them both. "He just had a bruise, and the doctor was overly cautious. Honestly, I feel silly stressing like this while your husband was actually shot," she admitted shamefully when this poor woman was here alone and already suffering from her own life-threatening illness.

"Don't ever apologize for that. He's your love like Theodore is mine."

"Yes, he is," Eddie agreed as she took Peggy's hand. "And I will always remember what you said about our marriage, but right now I have another promise to keep. I'm not about to let Teddy down, or no one at the 2-9 will ever speak to me again… you both mean that much to us there," she assured having sensed that Teddy had kept the details regarding the impending AG visit from his wife since she had not hinted at that concern. "We'd do anything for the two of you."

"Everyone there is wonderful," Peggy agreed. "Theodore and I have been blessed. If my husband is working, Captain Espinoza himself will often stop by on his day off with his wife's casserole dish in hand to make sure I have everything needed."

"Yes, he's a good guy," Eddie agreed, though a little surprised to hear that revelation about their seemingly tough-as-nails-on-the-outside boss. "I'm sorry, I've been so caught up wondering how Jamie is, that I haven't even asked if I could get you anything. Would you like another blanket or something to eat or drink? Is that allowed now?"

"Only some ice chips, dear. I'm able to have two glasses of water a day, and not until the treatment is over. That should be soon," she added while hopefully eyeing the screen above showing her progress. "But I am thirsty. There is a machine down there next to the nurse's station if you wouldn't mind."

"Two glasses," Eddie murmured under her breath as she stopped to consider all of the limitations this couple must face daily. "Of course, I don't mind. Peggy, I'll be right back," she promised before leaving with every intent to do just that. Her effort was stopped dead in its tracks moments after she reached the end of the hall, however, and her soul dropped like a leaded balloon. Nearly every other function likewise ceased after catching sight of an unexpected visitor. Father Campion, the Reagan family's home parish priest, had just turned the corner and was making an inquiry at the very desk she had been headed toward.

Eddie stared back at the familiar man, still frozen in place. In circumstances like this, the appearance of an NYPD designated chaplain almost always spelled the worst news. Amid the traumatic events of the day and now with Jamie's sudden radio silence—her eyes narrowed into tunnel vision and in this over-stressed state that could only mean one thing.

It was too late—she was too late. He must be gone_._

"JAMIEEE!" she screamed silently as her brain was the only thing capable of going into overdrive at first, although her heart soon followed suit and began to beat wildly in her chest. She remained rooted to the ground right there next to the elevator bank, and every bit of strength and color drained away, just as it did earlier that morning and the day under the bridge after Sorrento was confirmed dead. Such was her single-minded focus that she failed to notice when the car dinged open on that floor and two familiar figures stepped out at her side, that was until one said those words she now feared never to hear again.

"Ed, are you okay?"

Even that coupled with his strong, supporting arms wrapped around her in the same fashion for the second time that day was barely enough to convince her to accept the fact that she was wrong again.

"Hey, c' mere," Jamie softly comforted after finding her in this state again as he pulled her over into a more private alcove. She looked at him in amazement before gripping his neck and burying her face in tears again. "God, I'm so sorry," he apologized for so much more than she realized at the moment before berating himself. "I knew this would be too much for you. I should never have let you do it alone."

"Jamie, I w-was so scared," she stuttered out, hoping he could figure out why that was so upsetting without having to utter the words. "W-when y-you didn't answer, and I saw Father Campion… I t-thought…"

"I know. Eddie…" he started, desperate to explain before she noticed that Teddy's surgeon was, in fact, the man who had accompanied him to the floor and was now standing respectfully off to the side. The second that happened, all the pieces would fall in place, and honestly, he wasn't sure if she could handle it this time.

"B-but why did h-he come?" she continued to blindly puzzle only about the priest's appearance.

"Because I called him," he swallowed with a painful glance over to the doctor who also had bad news to deliver. "I didn't realize he would get up here first though… must have already been in the area."

"Wait, w-what?!" None of this was making sense in her muddled brain.

"Eddie," Jamie managed to choke out as he continued to grip her by the arms. "Ed, honey, I called him because we have to talk to Peggy now," he revealed quietly and then cursed himself as he watched the disbelief slowly flood her face, just as he knew it would.

"Peggy? But why?… OH NO!" her hands flew up to her mouth as her eyes began filling as the awful truth began to reveal itself. "NO! It's not!... NO! NOT TEDDY! PLEASE!" she begged for any other answer, having become wholly vested in the older couple's situation in the past few hours. "She needs him! HE'S HER THEODORE! You're wrong! I just talked to the nurse, and she said he was doing fine!"

"I'm afraid, despite all our efforts, Officer Winters suffered a massive stroke on the table about 20 minutes ago," Dr. Wolcott reported regretfully as he finally stepped into the conversation.

"But everyone said it was his heart that was bad!" Eddie continued to argue, unwilling to accept the inevitable, and not knowing there was still so much more to come.

"A clot likely formed there or at the wound site and traveled to the brainstem," the surgeon explained. "It caused irreversible catastrophic damage. He's on life support measures right now, but given that heart condition, we may not be able to keep him viable for long."

"Wait! So, he's not…? He didn't? Then, why aren't you up there helping him?!"

"Eddie," Jamie gently stepped in again, knowing she was in denial and searching for any little sense of hope that this might turn in some other fashion. It would, eventually, but not in a way anyone would have anticipated. "He's already gone, honey. Teddy's gone. There's nothing else they can do for him, but he left instructions for the doctor before he went under… very specific instructions. Ed, we're going to have to help talk to Peggy about this because there's not a lot of time," he led her on. "We can't wait for their daughter to get here."

"Jamie, what the hell are you talking about?" she demanded, not in any way following along at first until something finally clicked—something Peggy Winters had mentioned to her earlier about a loving husband—her Theodore, a perfect match, the one who would do anything for her, even give up something precious of his own to save her life.

"His kidney," Eddie finally realized and wilted down into Jamie's arms as the enormity of what that conversation with a soon-to-be grieving widow was about to entail. "Oh, my God! What are we going to say to her?"

###

"DAMN IT! Don't say anything!" Frank warned in a growl after he slammed down his phone on the desk just as DCPI Garrett Moore almost magically appeared on cue in his peripheral vision at the doorway. "I don't even want to know how you found out about this before I did! Should have been down there," he lamented while shaking his head, regretting his choice to remain at 1PP and not visit with Peggy Winters in the hospital while her husband was in surgery. "The man dedicated his whole life to the NYPD; his Commissioner should have been there for him!"

"Frank," Moore's quivering voice and matching ashen face beckoned to no avail.

"I heard you," his boss acknowledged with an aggravated sigh before taking a moment to push his glasses back against his face as the hits kept coming, including the one about to be revealed which would turn out to be the hardest of all. "It was a stroke."

"S-stroke? B-but it's not…" Garrett stumbled while he stopped to lean against the doorway as if the rug had just been pulled out from underneath him. He was confused and further flustered over just how the Commissioner could be so matter of fact about this additional and unexpected tragedy—especially one that hit so close to home. "H-how did you…?"

"Oh, c'mon. I know you're not a detective, as you tend to remind us every other day of the week, but put two-and-two together for once; Jamie called," Frank frowned at his DCPI's seemingly over-the-top reaction to the news of Officer Winters' passing which, while undoubtedly tragic, was not beyond the realm of anything they had been through before.

"Jamie?" Moore puzzled as he struggled to understand how Sergeant Reagan could be privy to the news he was trying to deliver when, in fact, it had not been shared with anyone yet except Baker who was now downstairs frantically handling the fallout. "Frank, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Teddy Winters died on the table a half-hour ago. Now they have to try to get his wife to agree to a directed donation and accept his kidney for a transplant while she's hysterical. It's a mess. Get Baker to call for my detail; I have to get down there and speak to her myself," Frank reiterated just in case there was some confusion on the part of his staff.

"What the hell are _you_ talking about?" he sat back after noticing his DCPI had yet to budge.

"Frank," Moore swallowed as his boss finally took note of the unprecedented state he was in. "It's not that; it's Sid. You need to come downstairs right now."

* * *

_Uh-oh. Definitely not looking good for Gormley. I truly waffled on the ending to this, and up to this point had about four possible scenarios sort of bumping around on equal footing. Considering some of the sad headlines that have been coming out of the NYPD lately, I'm really trying to balance that with a character we know and love, as well as Eddie's and Frank's challenges at the moment. Two chapters left, and an extraordinary Sunday dinner will reveal all._


	8. Chapter 8

_Happy BB Friday everyone! So busy, I totally forgot what day it was!_

* * *

Chapter 8

_Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord. Amen._

For once, the Reagan Sunday dinner table remained silent, given the terrible events of the past week, but for Sean's rendition of that familiar prayer. Such was the mood after the loss of not one, but two officers, that even he did not dare ask for an explanation at first. Instead, it was Nicky who broke the dam some minutes later.

"Grandpa," she started with a heavy sigh and glance at her mother for approval, which was not forthcoming since Erin's eyes were still directed downward as she pushed the food around her plate. "The rumors about Lieutenant Gormley… they're not true, are they?"

"No," Frank insisted without hesitation as he put his fork down and tried to convince everyone, including himself, of that fact. "Like I said in the press conference on Friday… it was a heart attack."

"More like a broken heart," Danny frowned and baited under his breath, having been the only Reagan on the job not directly involved in the initial incident. That had not stopped him from having an opinion though. In the days since he'd had harsh words for everyone else, including Erin, Frank, and Jamie while trying to process his grief over the loss of a friend and mentor, not to mention the added complications afterward. Thus far, Eddie was the only one to be spared from the infamous Daniel Reagan temper as it was apparent to everyone, including her new brother-in-law, that she was having enough problems of her own in that regard.

"It was a heart attack; the kind they call a widow maker," Frank reiterated. "The ME's report is clear. Sid had an artery with nearly a hundred percent blockage. You can't fake that."

"Tomato, tomahto," Danny continued to grit as he held firm to his belief that Sid Gormley would be alive today had it not been for the stress he'd been put under at the end, some of which could only be attributed to his father's actions of dismissing a man who had dedicated his life to the NYPD.

"But the letter… and the photo," Nicky continued to pry, referring to two bombshell revelations that had been leaked to the press and posted just days before accusing the city's top cop of a staged coverup. "Those weren't faked either, were they?"

"They weren't faked, but they don't tell the real story, either, Nic," Jamie tried to mitigate with a regretful look toward his father at the head of the table. Certainly, the crown was weighted heavily this week. A scathing story in the New York Times backed by this hard-to-explain evidence had purposefully rubbed salt in the terribly deep wounds caused by a spate of recent suicides within the NYPD. An official crime scene photo of Lieutenant Sid Gormley, head down on his desk next to his department-issued Sig Sauer semi-automatic along with the questionable text of his unsigned resignation letter had been leaked by an anonymous whistleblower and cast serious doubt on 1PP's official stance of natural causes.

"Then what is it?" Nicky pressed. "Because to anyone else outside of this family, it seems pretty clear. He said that 'he was taking full responsibility for his actions and that he was sorry for the pain they had caused.' It sure sounded like a classic suicide note. If it wasn't that, then why was the gun there?"

"He was clearing out his office and turning it in," Frank answered, although if he were honest, he would have admitted to having the same thoughts upon initially viewing the scene, especially given the current climate in the department. "It was his backup, unloaded and unfired. IAB had already confiscated the other one. And you would understand the wording if you knew the man," he insisted. "That's how Sid was."

"So, it was _not_ clear," Erin finally chimed in with emphasis and guilt over everything that had happened, starting with an ADA who was now facing additional felony charges with the ultimate passing of Officer Winters. "Nothing like this ever is. Someone is using it to push their agenda against the NYPD and the Commissioner's office because they saw an opportunity. It was a terrible day, but it does go to show you how a person's mental state can affect everything. I would never have thought that Marcus Miller was capable of any violence before then, but after what happened to his daughter, I can't say that I don't understand; none of you can."

"It still has to be punished though," Danny insisted since when he boiled it down, none of this would have occurred without Miller pulling Gormley's gun against his own brother. "You're not going to let him off on some kind of extreme emotional insanity plea, are you?" he demanded with suspicion. "Because in my book, he killed _two_ cops, not just one. What's the difference if one had a stroke and the other a heart attack?"

"Not my call," Erin revealed as she sat back and pushed her plate away. "I recused myself. The DA will be handling everything himself, but if you're looking for vengeance, I'll tell you right now Marcus will never be charged for Sid's death. If it was natural causes, you can't have it both ways," she argued on point.

"No one knows how they would react to something like that," Eddie quietly offered before Jamie reached over and squeezed her hand under the table. As it would come out, she too had been struggling with the same question, albeit from an incident more than a year ago.

"That's true," Frank admitted as he had likewise stressed over the events. There had been a lot of late-night pacing in this very household since then, as had been noted by his father. "It's been a hard week for everyone."

"And the next one won't be any better with two funerals to come," Henry counseled from experience as he looked at all of the sad faces around the table, but with particular concern for his son and newest granddaughter-in-law who seemed to have taken things especially to heart. "Are you alright, sweetheart?" he turned to the newest Reagan. "Francis told me your CO assigned you as the department liaison for the Winters family. That's not an easy job… helping them to grieve and plan the services, especially like this."

"No, I'm glad he did," Eddie acknowledged as she had grown especially close to Teddy's wife and daughter over the past week. In doing so, she'd managed to sort through much of her own repressed anxiety even if that fact hadn't been fully realized yet. "I wasn't ready to be back on the street, anyway, and I've been working with Detective Baker at 1PP on the details since she's handling the other one," she paused regretfully knowing from her interactions with Abigail that Frank was taking Gormley's death particularly hard. "With Peggy still in the hospital, Captain Espinoza wanted to make sure everything was taken care of, so they didn't have to worry about that too. They're going to have the funeral next Saturday. Hopefully, that way, she'll be well enough to stay for the whole thing. Peg wanted to do that for Teddy," she choked up before continuing, having ridden the rollercoaster of emotions all week long with the Winters family. "He's been cremated, so it's only the Mass and a memorial afterward."

"How's she doing now?" Erin asked. "The poor woman, that's a lot of trauma all at once."

"Good," Eddie nodded in relief as at least that was one thing that had gone well since the tragedy. "I mean as well as anyone would be in that situation, I guess. It was pretty hard on her at first, but physically she's doing so much better at least. I can't believe the change in just a week. They're going to release her tomorrow. I think that's helped her deal with the rest. She's such a wonderful person…" she trailed off, still feeling sad over the situation no matter the outcome, especially given the fact that this time with Peggy Winters had proven vital to her own healing. "So was Ted."

"Well, I wouldn't have been able to do that… accept a transplant from my wife to save myself," Danny dissented while shaking his head and speaking from experience. "Not after Linda died."

"I'm not so sure. You might of if that was her wish, and the boys asked you to," Eddie disagreed. "Teddy wanted her to live; that was literally his last thought in this world, and Emily needs her. Otherwise, she would have lost two parents. Now in some way, she still has them both."

"How was that possible, though?" Nicky chimed in, still full of questions. "I thought Officer Winters was in bad health. Wasn't that the whole reason behind the AG inquiry? How could he donate at his age?"

"He couldn't be a living donor because of his heart. No doctor would clear him for the surgery with those risks, but since he was shot and had no choice…" Jamie trailed off and explained as he had the same discussion with the transplant coordinator. "His kidneys were perfectly healthy though, and with so many people in need, donors over the age of 60, 65, or even 70 are now considered on a case-by-case basis. Peggy was end-stage already and a rare type, so it was a no-brainer… for everyone but her," he clarified, recalling that difficult conversation during which they had collectively managed to change her mind when Eddie brought up an important fact—that only one kidney was needed so someone else might have a chance at life too. "It was still hard."

"In the end, he saved his wife and another person in the same situation," his newlywed added. "He's a hero."

"Always was," Frank acknowledged as Officer Winters, like Gormley, had a file full of commendations from his years of service. "They both were."

"Yeah, and now one will get the payoff for that, and the other won't," Danny chimed in again, still stuck on what he perceived was the Lieutenant's mistreatment. "Nothing against Winters, but his family isn't the only one that deserves to be taken care of by the department. Sheila and her son sacrificed too! They won't make it without help!"

"And they won't have to," Frank assured since if there was one thing he was bound to do, it was to take care of his officer's families. "Teddy was already past his twenty, and his death was in the line of duty, so Peg and their daughter will get every benefit."

"And Gormley resigned," Danny concluded, having been around the departmental block enough times to know that the city comptroller and resident bean counters would try to use every available loophole, including that, to screw the family out of deserved payments.

"Technically, he hadn't," Frank admitted with a hard swallow given the circumstances as his friend had literally died with the pen in his hand. "Never got the chance to sign the resignation form," he explained with heavy regret. "So, if there's anything the photo proves, it's that Sid was on duty and still a full member of the NYPD when he passed. It'll help take care of Shelia," he explained. "Three years of full wages plus maybe other benefits. The coroner said that his condition might have contributed to what happened at the 2-9. He'd been having signs of heart failure for weeks… the mental lapses and stress… we just didn't know. I'm sure there's life insurance available too; he always took care of his family first."

"So, what will happen to the Gormley's now?" Erin asked, wondering if there was some way to help. "Will Brendan be able to finish school?"

"Abigail is working with them," Frank revealed. "She's trying to get him transferred to the NYU Medical School program next term for the free tuition. Then they'll be able to bring the baby here and live with Sheila in Queens while he's in school. Apparently, they've both really taken to this girl too. Hopefully, it works out for them. Brendan's got the grades, all top marks, and the compassion to go with it," he admitted with a wistful smile, given that final conversation about his friend's son. "He'll be a good doctor. That's some brainiac Sid raised."

"And the baby?" Nicky wondered.

"A girl, she's doing well now too after being touch and go for a few days but needs to stay in the NICU for several more weeks. That's why the funeral was pushed until next Thursday. Sheila and Brendan wanted to make sure she was stable before they came back here," Frank disclosed as that question was the final straw before his emotion began to spill over again.

"They named her Sydney Louise, after her grandfather…" he trailed off, a lump growing in his throat at the thought of all the firsts his friend would now miss in the little girl's life—the birthdays, school years, holidays, one day maybe even a wedding and everything in between. "Excuse me," he choked out before taking his leave from the table to go in the kitchen and recompose himself.

"Dad's taking it hard," Erin sadly noted as she laid her napkin down, having struggled with the same notions of guilt all week. "He feels responsible for Sid being there in the first place, but I'm just as much to blame… if I hadn't agreed to let Marcus hold his brother at the 2-9, then none of this would have happened," she tried to rationalize. "I'll go talk to him."

"No, let me, please. I have something I wanted to tell him, anyway," Eddie interjected as she got up to find the Commissioner standing over the sink and staring out the window.

"Frank?" she started, not wanting to intrude, but determined to make a confession and get something off her chest. "Are you okay?"

"I was just thinking about something I said to Sid before all this happened," he admitted in his depressed state. "It's just a lull before the…'"

"…next good thing," Eddie interjected automatically, having heard that quote repeated several times that week as her father-in-law looked over in surprise at that turn in his train of thought.

"What?" he demanded an explanation.

"That's what Emily told me her father would say whenever something terrible happened like when her mom got sick… that if you're trying to climb mountains or ride a wave, there's always going to be a valley or a dip before the next one takes you higher than you've ever been before. He said if you thought of it that way, then you'd look ahead instead of getting stuck down low feeling sorry for yourself. That's why she was able to leave for school and how she helped talk Peggy into the transplant when I called after Ted… well, anyway," Eddie sighed and admittedly was still struggling to apply that philosophy to her situation. "I think he was right though, at least I hope so. After all this, I just want to focus on the next good thing with Jamie, so that's why we decided to look for a new apartment… a bigger place of our own for now, maybe somewhere to start a family too one day."

"I think that's a better way to look at it," Frank resolved finally with a nod as he heartened just a little at the thought of another grandchild. Perhaps there was something to Theodore Winters' version of that oft-repeated saying after all.

"What about you? Are you okay?" he added in concern for his new daughter-in-law, given the trauma she had suffered and seemingly bulldozed her way through again, much like this same time last year. "The shooting had to be hard for you too, and with the state of mental health in the department these days…" he trailed off thinking about that initial assumption about Gormley's fate and the reports of Eddie's initial reaction to the scene at the precinct.

"I don't want you to be afraid to ask for help if you need it. I don't want any of my cops to be afraid."

"Did Jamie say something?" Eddie bristled, suddenly taken aback and more than a little offended at the thought of her husband going back on his promise to keep certain things private.

"No, why?" Frank puzzled at the sudden switch in her demeanor.

"Because we were sort of talking about that before this even happened," she admitted cautiously, still looking for any indication that she'd been set up by a worried spouse. Seeing nothing like that, she decided to come clean finally. "I've had some issues lately… bad dreams about the Sorrento shooting. I made an appointment to go see Dr. Malone again tomorrow, but I figured you already knew about that since, well, you are who you are."

"Oh," Frank frowned at that revelation as he read her unease. "No, I didn't," he paused sadly before eyeing her up and deciding to share something equally personal. "But does the daughter-in-law of the Police Commissioner want to know something no one else in the family does?"

"What's that?" Eddie asked, even though she was not positive she wanted to hear the answer.

"I've had my own session with someone else this week… several, actually."

"Wait, seriously?" she gasped, having no idea that he would be so understanding on this matter. Frank Reagan was like the Paul Bunion of police work—larger than life with superhuman qualities, and she didn't think anything could take him down, not even the death of a close friend.

"Whenever I'm walking the floors at four in the morning," he revealed with a sad smile as he looked back out the window. "It started after I lost Mary, then Joe… going there helps keep Pop off my back."

"Wow. I had no idea," Eddie stood still and then considered her reaction to that for a moment. The notion of seeing the department shrink had always been taboo among her fellow officers, even when the need was obvious, but such an admission from the Commissioner would be enough to rock the whole organization. "Not that it's bad," she backtracked in embarrassment before finally stating the truth. "It's just, I thought… well, I mean, I told Jamie not to say anything about it because we're just married, and I'm still trying to fit in. I thought you'd think less of me."

"Officer Edit Marie Janko-now-Reagan, whether there's a hyphen or not, I could never think less of you… you're a force of nature," Frank nodded with a smile that now reached his eyes. "But I would be a liar and a hypocrite if I didn't admit to feeling the same way. That's why I never told anyone else here or even my staff. On those days, I get a little creative and ditch my detail," he confessed. "I guess I'm afraid if anyone knew they'd think I've gone soft."

"I get that," Eddie openly commiserated, still surprised at the topic as this whole discussion seemed surreal given who she was speaking to. "And if I'm honest, most of the people I meet on the job, I'm happy if they think I'm a hard-ass with a short temper and a loaded pistol. It just keeps things easier."

"Maybe that's part of the problem, though," Frank agreed. "It shouldn't be easy," he sighed and looked thoughtfully out the window again, deciding on a new course of action before another set of footsteps approached.

"Everything okay in here?" Jamie wondered in concern as he slipped a supportive hand around Eddie's waist and pulled her in for a kiss on the cheek.

"Everything's going to be fine as long as we all take care of each other," his father nodded with another sad smile for his son and daughter-in-law and a renewed determination to do that and more to honor a friend's memory.

* * *

_So, a sad farewell to Gormley, but only in this story, I promise. I needed something big to kick Frank the right way. One more chapter since this one ran long. Eddie finally has Come to Jesus meeting with the department shrink, and Frank has a few surprises in store for everyone as well._


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks so much for the prior reviews! Running out the door for a weekend trip, so just enough time to post this before I leave. Happy BB Friday everyone!_

* * *

Chapter 9

"So, that's it… everything that happened," Eddie finished explaining and grabbed a tissue to shred while waiting nervously for Dr. Malone to offer her opinion during their appointment the next day. "I mean, I know I should have probably come in sooner, but I wasn't working patrol since had so much to do with the Winters family this past week," she offered as an excuse when the reply wasn't forthcoming.

"Well," the doctor hedged as she took her time while reading through her notes before sitting back and looking her patient in the eye. "I'm just wondering why you came in at all," she asked. "I think we're probably done here."

"Okay, so then… wait, _what?!"_ Eddie flustered as that was not the reaction she expected at all. Instead, she was sure there would be a diagnosis, most likely that of PTSD, and advisement to continue therapy as a means to get to the bottom of whatever mental instability was causing those awful dreams.

"There's a proverb that says, 'Physician, heal thyself,'" Dr. Monroe quoted as she explained. "I think you've taken that to a new level… patient, heal thyself," she added.

"I still don't understand!"

"Eddie, at what point in this dream did you always wake up?"

"W-when I thought Jamie had died," she replied with tears brimming.

"And when was the last time you had the dream as you described?"

"That morning… right before the shooting at the precinct," she answered, still failing to connect the dots.

"And after all the stress you suffered through this week… after living through much the same scenario and seeing your partner injured, you haven't suffered another reoccurrence?"

"No… but… I mean, I was busy," Eddie puzzled and shook her head while thinking about what that meant. "Peggy and her daughter needed me; I had to help them."

"Don't you mean this time you had to face the consequences you feared the most, even if it was through someone else's eyes? You left out something pretty important last time you were here," Dr. Malone noted with a raised eyebrow. "One year ago, we talked about the fact you shot and killed a dangerous perp, one who had targeted your _work_ partner… not your life partner."

"Oh. Well, we… we weren't exactly telling anyone in the department just then," Eddie admitted with guilt for having been deftly caught out in that admission. "It was only a few days after the shooting, and I didn't know how to handle it."

"That's my point," the doctor continued. "You never dealt with those feelings of fear after thinking that Officer Reagan… Jamie had been killed. You were caught up with the excitement of the engagement and finally moving forward with something else that had been long-repressed."

_"This past year has been so busy with us getting engaged, my promotion, changing precincts, and planning the wedding. It happened so fast on top of that… I think maybe you didn't have a chance to deal with everything right then is all."_

"That's what he said," Eddie revealed reluctantly after recanting that recent conversation which seemed so on point now. "He thought I didn't have a chance to deal with everything right then, and that's why this was happening now."

"Good man," Dr. Malone offered with a slight smile. "He's not angling for my job, is he?"

"No, he said that's way above his paygrade," Eddie finally let out a small, relieved laugh. "I don't have to tell him he was right, though, do I? 'Cause I'll never hear the end of it."

"Whatever is said in this office is strictly confidential," the therapist remarked lightly before growing serious again. "But it's more than admitting why you were feeling that way; you need to acknowledge what made it better."

"Well, like you said… I had to deal with it again this time. I thought Jamie was hurt, but then I found out he wasn't, just like before."

"Not even close, try again," Dr. Malone frowned, thinking perhaps she had been too optimistic in her initial assessment.

"Because I had to plan Teddy's funeral," Eddie finally admitted softly after a few more minutes of honest self-reflection. "All of it. I've had to watch Peggy Winters and her daughter live through my greatest fear of losing Jamie."

"That's the point… you not only watched, but you're also_ helping_ her live through it. She had to make a choice early on to do just that… to accept the kidney from her husband in order to _live," _Malone emphasized. "I think now you can see it's possible to do that even if the worst happens."

"Peggy is amazing, and so was her husband. That's how they lived their lives… no regrets, just loving each other while always looking forward and waiting for the next best thing to happen," Eddie nodded. "They never worried about what anyone else thought either. I'm not sure I'd be able to do that, though."

"No one is. The odds are you'll never have to, but at least you can see the possibility, right?"

"I guess. So, then, that's it?" Eddie asked hopefully, anticipating from the tone that maybe their session was over. "I can go now?"

"You tell me. Is there anything else about this you'd like to discuss?" Malone queried. "We've still got some time on the clock."

"I don't think so," Eddie sighed, even though there was one other detail that had been bothering her since the incident, and then highlighted by the discussion at dinner the day before. "I mean, it's just… well, we were talking about the precinct shooting yesterday, and my sister-in-law said that she never thought Marcus Miller was capable of any violence before then. After what happened to his daughter, she couldn't say she didn't understand. Last year I got cleared for shooting Sorrento when he was driving away… everyone called it an amazing shot, and I got a commendation for it," she finally unburdened herself. "Because he was a really bad guy."

"But now considering Miller's reaction and your relationship with Jamie, you're wondering about that again," Malone surmised. "Whether it was justice or vengeance?"

"Yeah."

"Only you can answer that, Eddie," the doctor closed her notebook. "Officially here, it went down as a good shoot and an appropriate action. That was a very dangerous man, but I suppose you need to ask yourself what your response would have been in that same situation if you had been partnered with someone else, like Officer Whitten, for example," she added.

"I think I would have done the same thing, but without the doubts," Eddie answered honestly after reflecting over that, and it came with much relief. "I'll always have my partner's back."

"Good to know," Malone smiled. "But perhaps going forward, knowing what you do now, you should be more careful of the position you put yourself in."

"Working opposite Jamie, you mean," Eddie conceded as they had both given a great deal thought to that path in recent days. "Yeah, I know. What you mean is if we accept the risks to ourselves, we have to accept the risks to each other."

"Well, yes," Dr. Malone agreed. "You just put it better than I could have."

"We've talked about that a lot this week because I was so rattled when I heard those shots and saw him down. I thought I could handle it like I did when we were just partners, but now I'm not so sure, and neither is he. I'm going to ask Captain Espinoza to transfer me to another shift, at least for now, until we figure that out," she explained. "It'll be tough, though… like ships passing in the night, right?"

"But, the correct move, I think," the doctor agreed. "And another good sign that you're processing things properly this time. Please, if any of this still feels unsettled or you need to talk again…"

"Don't be afraid to call," Eddie nodded. "Yeah, I get that now too. I don't know why I fought Jamie so hard when he suggested it in the first place. I feel so much better now after you helped me figure some of this out; it's just sometimes hard to admit that I need help I guess."

"It's a common reaction among cops," Dr. Malone sadly admitted as she had spent nearly a decade battling that stigma while trying to help officers in trouble. "I wish the department would do more to address that, especially with the suicide crisis we've been experiencing, but evidently, it's still a hard ask," she referenced her disappointment with 1PP's initial reaction of denial to the bombshell article late the week before.

"Maybe not anymore," Eddie spoke with insider knowledge without going into any further details as she considered her father-in-law's reaction to the circumstances regarding Gormley's death and the surprise confession. "I really think it might change now."

"I hope so," the doctor confessed as she stood up to see her patient out, unaware of how soon that change was scheduled to take place. Unbeknownst to either of them, a certain sergeant from the 2-9 precinct had arrived at the office a few minutes prior while out on an early meal break. Jamie was determined to be present in support for his wife even if that meant garnering a few curious stares from the doctor's office staff who weren't accustomed to seeing an officer in uniform so openly willing to sit as such in the waiting room.

"Could you turn that up, please?" he asked the secretary and nodded to the near-muted television on the wall after noticing the news feed had cut to a familiar figure in a dark suit approaching an NYPD podium just as Eddie and Dr. Malone stepped out of her office.

"Hey!" Eddie reacted in pleasant surprise at seeing her husband. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to take my girl out for some special pancakes… we had a date at Nico's, remember? Gotta keep my promises," he replied with a grin but still one eye up toward the screen as the volume came up. "Just a sec, though… I want to see this. Looks like Dad's having another presser. Probably wants to set them straight on the Gormley situation again. He was really fired up when he hit back on Friday."

"Terrific," Dr. Malone sighed, of the opinion that any departmental pushback against Gormley's so-called suicide photos would only make her job harder at this point.

"No… I think you need to give him a chance," Eddie dissented as she looked up at the screen and thought about the private part of the conversation that she'd held with her father-in-law the day before. "I think he's going to try to make this better."

"Let's hope so," the doctor added as everyone paused to listen to the Police Commissioner's speech.

"Good morning," Frank started his remarks after adjusting the microphone. "I'd like to clarify a few points from last week."

"Told ya," Jamie chirped, garnering a sideways stare from his wife and a distinct unspoken order to clam up.

"Last week, on the same day, within the same hour, this department lost two officers… two heroes, one of whom unselfishly saved others even in the end, and the other who was a member of my staff and a very close personal friend. To say I was not at my best after that would be an understatement," the Commissioner admitted with regret. "So, when someone tried to use the circumstances of his death for their own agenda and accuse my office of covering up a suicide, I got angry… so angry, I ignored the fact that reaction was also harming my officers," he revealed with a deep sigh and took a moment to compose himself before continuing.

"While the fact that Lieutenant Gormley's death was due to natural causes has _not_ changed… that is indisputable, and anyone who says otherwise is welcome to step up here _right now,"_ he challenged while pounding on the podium with a directed look around the room. "Sid lived his life for this department and those who serve it. If he saw an opportunity to help the rank and file like this, in his words, he'd say, 'Run with it, Boss.' So, in his honor, I will do just that.

"We are at an unprecedented point in the history of the NYPD. We're now losing more officers to their own hand than are killed in the line of duty: an average of five men and women a year since 2014, and that number only seems to be increasing. This spring, in one three-week span, we lost four. Just let that sink in for a minute. Four. First, there was the deputy chief facing mandatory retirement as his 63rd birthday approached. The next day, it was a veteran hostage negotiator who had talked dozens of people out of killing themselves during his career. A week later, it was a young female patrolwoman handling domestic violence cases and going through a divorce. Then the following Wednesday, a veteran officer was found dead at his home on Staten Island. All four took their own lives with their service pistols. Obviously, the department's efforts to persuade despondent officers to seek counseling have had only limited success," he admitted in a vast understatement. "And it is clearly affecting every demographic from rookies to retirees."

"I'll be dammed, Eddie. You were right," Dr. Malone breathed in response as her jaw dropped at that admission since she had sounded the same alarm for years.

"For too many officers, showing any kind of emotional vulnerability on the job is seen as a sign of weakness when they've been programmed to respond as heroes, at least that's what the so-called experts who study police stress tell me," he paused again. "I think we can all agree on that, but it has to change, and that starts from the top-down, with me, the man sitting in the big office at 1PP.

"Recently, I spoke to a decorated, experienced officer who was reluctant to admit they were having some issues dealing with a justified on-duty action last year or seeking help for fear of being seen as somehow soft. That characterization could not be farther from the truth; this person is a force of nature and one hell of a bad-ass cop," he admitted emphatically with a frown as he shifted his weight. "And _that_ is why I am here today. Every year the NYPD spends hundreds of thousands of dollars developing and improving equipment and procedures to keep our officers safer in the field while ignoring this aspect, which can help more. Many officers who could benefit from counseling hide those feelings, fearing that their careers or rapport with other officers will suffer if they seek such help. Well, I'm here to tell you that I've been guilty of the same. After weeks like this, I've needed and sought professional help. Before now, I kept it a secret from everyone, including my family and co-workers, for the same reasons I've just expressed."

"Damn, Ed… what did you say to him in the kitchen yesterday? You really got to the old man," Jamie reacted in surprise at hearing his old-school father reveal such a personal thing, although he had suspected it for years. "I mean, I always thought… ever since Joe and Mom died, but he's never admitted it, not even when I asked."

"But no more," Frank continued. "I want it to be clear that your Commissioner understands and will not think less of you if you need help. There is no shame in seeking assistance from the many resources available both inside and outside the department. All NYPD employees have a range of options to get confidential help, from certified professionals, department chaplains, and peer-support groups to phone and text message hotlines. All of that information will be made available in a departmental memo to be released _immediately,"_ he emphasized with a fist to the pulpit once again. "Please, we've lost enough of our own recently. When you joined the ranks of New York's finest, you earned the distinction of being the best-trained, best-prepared police officers in the world, where every day brings a responsibility to keep all New Yorkers safe, safe from crime and secure from terrorism.

"Now it is the responsibility of each one of us to keep each other safe as well. Look out for your fellow officers and encourage them to look after themselves. Speak up if you see one of us in need, whether that be physically or mentally. If I had known about Lieutenant Gormley's heart condition earlier, I would not have hesitated to insist he seek help, and he might be here today if I had. It should be no different for mental issues. We all wear the same blue uniform, carry the same shield. Remember, accepting help is never a sign of weakness; in fact, it's a sign of great strength."

"Wow," Eddie absorbed that and considered her own situation while Frank walked away from the microphone, suddenly feeling surer and more confident in her own decision.

"He's absolutely right; it shouldn't be any different. If I had heard that before, maybe I wouldn't have waited so long."

"Amen," Dr. Malone agreed, vindicated in her long-held stance just as the phones in the office started ringing.

"Well, I promise one of us will make that call again if there's ever the need," Jamie acknowledged with thanks to the doctor as he took Eddie's arm. "But it sounds like you might have some more work to do now. If you don't mind, I'm going to take my favorite bass-ass cop out for pancakes and to look over some apartment listings. It's time for the next good thing."

* * *

_Well, there you have it, fini. This was a fun one to write even if it included some pretty difficult topics at the end. Hopefully, my muse stays active, and I can find the time to complete a few "werks" already in the pipeline from the previous series. One, titled "A Beautiful Lie," is a look into the future of our lovebirds and their expanded family, as Eddie and Jamie face an unprecedented threat to their marriage. That literally needs a final paragraph written before it's complete but contains too many spoilers to post before the next scheduled installment called "This Meeting Never Happened."_

_The second one centers more on family dynamics and will see Jamie challenged by both his father and brother as he settles into his new role as the liaison between the NYPD and FBI while an old political powder keg of a case sparks anew amid the upcoming mayoral election and threatens to come between them on the job. Meantime, Eva and Armin Janko's unresolved feelings for one another will be tested once he is released from prison, and the events that follow will shake their daughter's faith in her father to the core again as Eddie faces some pretty big issues both professionally and personally herself._

_So, that's it for now. Thank you for all the reviews and support!_


End file.
